We answered the most pressing questions about uni life on The Student Room

University. The time has come. And as the pre-university anxiety percolates into beads of sweat, freshly dripping from naive freshers’ foreheads – it dawns on them that they have no clue what the next couple of months of intense uni-ying will hold for them.

Whatever the worries are, you’ll find them on The Student Room. A place where hundreds of nervous under-eighteens have gathered to create a mass panic about whether a slow cooker is a uni essential.

I, of course, having once been at uni, am a professional student life guru. So I’ve taken to answer some of the burning questions pervading the ‘University Life’ section of The Student Room. Here is a selection of questions the frightened freshers of 2017 are asking the internet:

Will I miss much if I don’t attend Freshers’ Week?

Aside from making HUNDREDS of friends, going out, gaining a sense of surroundings and establishing dominance over fridge space, nah – not much.

Should I get a slow cooker for my room in university?

The extensive wine collection Mother packed from the cellar shall most certainly complement the slow cooked rack of lamb, topped with celeriac and courgettes. The slow cooker is as essential as the mini-fridge, pastry brush and the egg poacher. Consult Tatler guides for more REALLY useful kitchen gadgets one MUST bring to university.

Meningitis vaccination before university?

Yes. There’s no question about it.

Although it won’t stop the old Freshers’ influenza from ruining your life for a few weeks.

Is it too revealing to wear a silk night gown in a hall?

Let me tell you a story:

There once was a girl that wore a silky night gown in halls. No one batted an eyelid because there was literally someone smearing what looked like shit, on everyone’s kitchen cupboards. Repeatedly.

In other words – halls are mental and no one will even notice. Next.

What is one thing that should never be done at uni?

What if I provided a list of 82 things you should never do at uni?

Will I get judged for not drinking at uni?

Everyone’s a ket-head nowadays anyway, I wouldn’t worry too much.

Should I be worried about not staying in halls in first year?

So the best thing to do is to get into a really really serious relationship with someone in the first week of uni. This will be great for your social life AND you can move in with them. Sorted.

Is 65 a good mark for first year?

Hahahahahahahhahahaha.

Ask again in two years time.

At what age are you considered a mature student?

Remember kids, at uni – age is just a number.

How do you deal with the issue of flatmates not keeping the kitchen clean?

The number one rule is to send passive-aggressive messages to the flat WhatsApp group, without ever voicing your concerns to their faces and then acting really pissed off when everyone ignores them. That always does the trick.

But to make sure that they really get the message, take pictures and store them in a folder. This is useful for those times when you go to complain to the accommodation warden, about how much you hate your flatmates. With visual evidence, you can avoid looking like a real dickhead, because at least you’re not making it up. Right?

Will I be able to get a first?

The world is your Oyster. You can do anything you put your mind to. Make the impossible – possible.

Unless North Korea nukes us all tomorrow. I mean I don’t know. Have I got Mystic Meg written on my forehead?

Is it true that LSE students are… annoying?

At last. A rhetorical question.