The new £10 isn’t suitable for vegetarians, and beer, bagels and phones aren’t either

It’s time to reassess your life

The new £10 note has been released today across the UK and it contains ACTUAL ANIMAL FAT so I'm renouncing money and going to live in a self-sufficient commune.

It's the same pork-derived polymer that was used in the new fiver introduced last year and the Bank of England have literally refused to use another method of production because it's too expensive, so that's fine.

There is a new petition to get rid of the animal fat in the new notes, which has received over 12 thousand signatures so far. The old tenner will no longer be legal tender in spring 2018, so savour these last months of ethical freedom.

So if you're a vegetarian and want to stay true to your ethics, these are the things you should consider also giving up.

Never look at photographs again

Put that disposable camera down, you beast. Printed photographs use gelatin and are therefore unethical.

No more trips to the pub then!

Looks like I'm going sober forever as beer contains gelatin, egg white, isinglass (fish glue), casein (milk protein) or activated carbon.

Goodbye, computer, television, phone, life

LCD screens are made from cholesterol taken from animals, so I'm throwing them all away.

Better stop using books too

The glue used to bind books also contains animal fat. So I'm gonna start printing novels onto bark to take with me to the commune.

Tampons are a no-go, my friend

You better get used to free bleeding because tampons may be involved with animal testing which is weird and gross.

Uh oh, condoms too

Better find another way to not get pregnant, or stop having sex altogether! Condoms, and all other latex products, contain glycerin. GLYCERIN.

Remove that nail polish and lipstick IMMEDIATELY

Unless you think it's okay to use guanine for cosmetics. Well, do you?!

Slow down there, Smokey Joe

Cigarettes are even more evil and horrible now. Turns out their filters contain haemoglobin derived from pigs' blood.

No, don't do this, surely not bagels too?

Yup, bagels contain a chemical made mostly from bird feathers and human and dog hair. WHAT.