We asked Americans to guess if British slang meant ‘drunk’ or ‘sex’, and their answers were hilarious

‘You know, this kind of dumb slang is why y’all are no longer a global superpower’

Two things that people love to talk about, regardless of referendums and potential border walls, are getting fucked and also getting fucked.

But despite supposedly sharing a language, a lot can be lost in translation.

The exceedingly British love of getting hammered is adequately represented by a dictionary's worth of words to describe exactly how you get drunk. And our traditional prudishness requires many discrete, yet awfully twee and weird, ways of alluding to doing the dirty.

We put some of our most classic slang for getting drunk or having sex to our neighbours from across the pond, to see if they could decipher whether we are saying we chopped too many pints last night or that we got lucky. This is the result.

Wankered

Why did I think this meant tired? So I know wanking off is jerking off so maybe this is sex because you’re just…so tired from tugging it all day? Seek help, addiction is real.

Rogered

You know, this kind of dumb slang is why y’all are no longer a global superpower. Rogered doesn’t sound like a sex thing (I tried saying “he rogered me all night” and it didn’t sound right) so I’m gonna go with drunk.

Legless

On one hand, this could be getting so drunk you can’t stand. But it could also be getting fucked so hard, you can’t stand? Like an Ariana Grande “Side to Side” dick bicycle situation? I will say this is both drinking and the sex because versatility is important. Just check Grindr.

Randy

Isn’t randy like horny? Like oh, that lad is RIGHT randy? Am I making this up? Did I just hear that in some kind of fever dream? All I know is I think of not-great teeth when I hear this.

Battered

So my good sense tells me that this is drunk the same way “fried” or “wasted” is drunk, but I kind of want a dude to batter me in a consensual way so maybe it’s both!

Sloshed

We say this in America too, but not since like 1997.

Sozzled

Sozz sounds like the noise a drink would make before fizzing over. Hopefully it’s a drunk thing. All I know is it better not be a sex thing. If a man ever told me something like, “Oh ya baby I wanna sozzle you all night long”, I would call the cops. But not before laughing so hard I peed a little.

Up the duff

How dare you, I am a lady.

Off their tits

What is it with British people and the word tits? I much prefer its funnier American cousin, “titties.” This sounds like the kind of thing a British dude would proclaim if someone said something insane. “My goodness! William’s off his tits!” and then like, taking a sip of tea or whatever. It’s drunk, OK? Drunk.

Jubblies

I know what jubblies are! Boobs! I don’t know how this translate into a verb, though. Did I grossly misunderstand this exercise? I have a cream from Lush made to rub on my boobs called Lovely Jubblies and I cringe every time I reach for the pot. File this under: things no one is allowed to call my boobs.

Leathered

I am from Texas, and when you skin and animal, you’ve gotta tan the hide to make it real leather. I don’t know why I‘m telling you this considering I’ve never killed an animal and I don’t wear leather. But leathered is getting drunk. Because you’re…hung out to dry?

Rumpy Pumpy

Lisa Vanderpump has two golden retrievers named Rumpy and Pumpy and she’s always calling her dogs “sex monster” and “you sexy boooy” so this is S-E-X.

On the piss

Thanks to Chumbawumba, I too know that pissed in the UK means something totally different than over here.

Squiffy

Pretty sure this is the verb for when two furries have sex, right? I think everyone in England is a secret (or not-so-secret) furry and that is my fight song.

Todger

This, like toad-in-the-hole, sounds like a gross euphemism for jerking off I imagine a boarding school guy saying. Like, he fully todges with his roommates all in a big group.

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