Unless you’re ‘beach body ready’ under no circumstances should you wear any of these things on holiday

A handy guide


The dark days of cuffing season are over and the glorious long days of summer are here. It’s truly the best time of year. Well, except for one big thing.

For women summer comes with the added pressure of less clothes and a multi-billion dollar industry reminding them that they’re nothing if they’re not toned tanned and starved down to what’s considered “beach body ready”. It’s almost as if we’re not expected to venture out of the house if you’re not living on a light, sunshine diet consisting solely of coconut water and guilt, desperately striving to achieve a “perfect bikini body” that in reality just does not exist.

Admittedly, things are slowly but surely improving, and more and more girls are embracing a self-love mentality which means they don’t care about the hugely restrictive societal rules on what they should wear according to their “body shape”.

But bodyshaming still exists, particularly for women trying to enjoy their lives on vacation.

So yeah, while we’re getting better, it’s still an absolute jungle out there, and magazines and sites which tell you what not to wear on the beach still wreak havoc on our body image. With that in mind, instead of being one of many that tells you what you not to wear, here’s what you can wear instead:

1) A bikini

2) A thong

3) A full face of make-up

4) No make up

5) A burkini

6) A swimsuit

7) A parka

8) A full length mink coat

9) A flame shirt

10) A suit of armour

11) Heelys

12) Sunscreen. Trust me on the sunscreen

13) Nipple tassels

14) A ball gag

15) Platform stiletto heels

16) Literally anything you fucking want