Sex toys you can buy for under $30, because being broke shouldn’t stop you loving yourself

Welcome to the greatest month of the year! May (which is also international masturbation month)! It’s like self-help guru RuPaul always says “if you can’t love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else” and never is that more true than in the pursuit of the truest self love: masturbating.

But while it’s a worthwhile hobby, it can often be an expensive one. Yeah, porn is free and yeah, you can use your hands, but we live in modern times. Why not improve things with the all the technology 2017’s sex toy industry has to offer us? Luckily, there are some things you can buy right now, have them delivered before official International Masturbation Day (May 28th) and not have to burn through your overdraft to do it.

Here are some of the best. No, you’re welcome.

Lovehoney basics vibrating ring – $7

Lovehoney basics rabbit vibrator – $30

Lovehoney ‘slim and thick’ realistic vibrator – $20

Lovehoney basics vibrating love egg – $9

Ann Summers rose gold mini vibrator – $13

Ann Summers iSex USB g-spot massager – $10.86

Ann Summers silicone pink plus phallic vibrator – $20.69

Amazon Pipedream Icicles No 47 – $10.50

(Basically, you put this in your fridge or freezer for a few hours and then put it inside you. Yep, intense.)

Amazon California Exotics colt xtreme turbo bullet – $8.15

Amazon Utimi upgraded silicone 10 speed g spot vibrator – $19.48

Simply Pleasure PalmPower silicone massager head attachment – $11.64

Simply Pleasure Kinx ‘bully boy’ 7″ realistic vibrator – $19.33

Simply Pleasure Minx multi-speed vibrating orgasm balls – $15.45

Simply Pleasure Evolved birthstones bullet vibrator – $10.28

eBay 10 speed magic wand body massager – $17.83

And if all else fills, just make a dick out of moulding powder from Simply Pleasure for just $8.99 (will need volunteer)