I don’t even care if you read clubbers of the week, honestly, I don’t

Your mate who slept with your ex is in this lol

Don’t worry, be calm, don’t worry. We’re here. Shush. It’s OK. We’re here.

Here are the best clubbers in the UK this week.

Your Uncle of the week

Haven’t seen him since he used to splash me in the paddling pool!

When your giant loving heart just bleeds through your T-shirt

If it could scream, it would scream LoVe mE

When you and the girls are all about to refill your ink pens

Here’s to learning!!!

When you need to take a UKAD-approved urine test during your night out

Professional athletes can sesh too

What are these boys wearing tonight? Jeans and a nice top!

These lovely lasses know!

Drink our electric potion and be transported with us to the cosmic colony of Contraxia

‘Tis everlasting winter there, but the lights shine so bright so so bright

Is the club photographer pissing on this man?

There used to be rules back in my day

When you and your fiancée are united by your love of E-cigs

I now pronounce you man and VapeLord™

The only way to calm a wrathful purple orb is with some seriously smooth jazz

This is known

When you find some instant pasta so you and your mates and a gorilla all want to celebrate

What the fuck is in these drugs I’m taking

Wait, maybe there’s more to life than shagging women and clubbers of the week?

Better not to think about these things, friend

Featured image courtesy of Tup Tup Palace in Newcastle.