It’s nearly summer again, so time for the annual reminder that bralettes are nothing but a lie

Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you should know that bralettes are a huge thing now. A new staple for carefree #coolgirls with low cut tanks and no fucks, bralettes are the antidote to regular bras. The “athleisure of unmentionables”, and the first thing since basically ever to make Victoria’s Secret rethink their typical push-em-up-to-ur-chin style padded bra.

Basically everyone is into bralettes. Ilana from Broad City wears bralettes. Kendall Jenner wears bralettes. Even Serena Williams wears bralettes.

Do you know who doesn’t wear bralettes? This chick. Why? Because bralettes are a SHAM. Those instafamous models in their cute lacey or strappy (it’s always one or the other) numbers are straight up deceiving us. Bralettes are not the nirvana people make them out to be. Unless you have small boobs.

For the rest of us, they are a cruel reminder that big boobs — while supposedly coveted — mean you can’t wear a lot of cute things. This is not a shit-on-the-itty-bitty-titty committee piece. If your boobs are small enough, perky enough, or at the right ratio to your waist size that there is a bralette out there that works for you, please know I am only jealous.

I think all manner of knockers are great. All sizes, shapes, etc., are fine and good and should be celebrated. I am in full support of #FreeingtheNipple, going braless and wearing or not wearing (and showing or not showing) any kind of undergarments you choose. This is not about saying you should wear a conventional bra. But I have big boobs and I would like to go out and say what everyone in my shoes is thinking: Bralettes are a heinous falsehood.

As a full-busted gal, and having a small band size and large cup size means finding any kind of bra is a literal fucking nightmare, nevermind a bralette. If you have a teeny waist and not teeny tatas there are basically zero options for cute and comfortable wireless bras. And I am extremely resentful.

People/the internet talk about bralettes like they are a universal answer to all patriarchy-smashing/bra-burning/feminist prayers, a new bodyposi article of clothing to keep close to our hearts. Who cares about molded cups or push ups? Bralettes are as close as you can to being braless without being braless, like, entry-level bralessness.

And trust me, I bought into this so hard. I was ready as fuck to ditch the wired modern corset with straps digging into my trapezius and instead rock the comfortable and cute bralette with delicate lacy edges or about seven traps too many (it’s literally always one of the other) and ~experience bliss~.

There are about a million articles floating around the internet telling you the many ways and reasons everyone can and should rock a bralette. I feel like I read them all before that fateful trip to my local M&S’s lingerie department. And before you suggest it, I’ve read all the listicles there are with bralettes for plus-sized ladies or big busts, too. When it comes to bras, I do my research. I think that’s what made the sting so much sharper. I allowed myself to believe that this cute new bra thing could be for me too. No falsehood has hurt me as deeply as the fiction of bralettes.

If you need serious support, most bralettes are about as good as piece of lace tied around your chest with dental floss. It felt like trying on my adolescent training bra as an adult. So I think it’s time we all stopped pretending that bralettes are an achievable aesthetic for all of us.

Now if you’re about to suggest that I have been indoctrinated by the patriarchy/an industry that wants me to think I need a real bra or a particular boob-shape, don’t. Because I literally couldn’t care less. Just like all the bralette-sporting jerks on Instagram, I just want to be comfortable!

Bralettes are a deception akin to the myth that you can train yourself to get used to high-heels (don’t even fucking go there, as long as I can last longer in a pair of flats or sneakers, I will prefer flats or sneakers).  It’s time to say no to the lie that are bralettes. Because Instagram, Pinterest and whoever is running my Facebook ad algorithms are all spinning baloney. Bralettes are not the ‘best thing in the world’, because not everyone can wear one.

But if anyone happens to invent a bralette in like a 30-32G, lmk, because I will be all over that shit.