I’m almost afraid to admit this but I really do not get the hype about avocados

Seriously, someone please explain it to me


There is an obsession blighting our generation. It’s the avocado. Recent years have seen a massive increase in the number of people buying and eating avocados, to the point where there is a genuine fear that the world might potentially run out of them.

People are so obsessed with them that scientists have even genetically engineered pink avocados (which to be fair, does sound pretty amazing – everything is better if it comes in pink). Some people even think an avocado – yes, a single avocado – would make a better POTUS than Trump. Although, actually, I’m not sure there could be anyone worse than Trump, so they might be onto something there.

But why? Why is everyone so obsessed by something that is mushy, watery, tasteless, and looks like those little bits of mould you find on the fruit at the back of the fridge that your flatmate bought once during their juice cleanse that they got three hours into before giving up. I feel like I’m the only person that hasn’t been brainwashed by this weird craze. Seriously.

People are pairing avocados with everything. On toast I kind of understand, I guess. There’s only so many things you can do with toast anyway, and it’s so bland on it’s own that even something that vaguely resembles what I can only imagine Shrek’s dick looks like is sure to brighten up your morning. But people have started pairing it with fruit salads, ice cream, some guy even paired it with his carbonara. Honestly what the fuck.

How did we get here? How did we get to a point where people can’t go one single meal without slapping on some green gunk and calling it healthy, and “delicious”? We’re talking about a fruit that was originally called a testicle. I’m not joking. The Aztecs who first traded in it called it ‘ahuacatl’, which literally translates to ‘testicle’. Might actually prefer eating an actually testicle tbh.

It’s not like it’s even easy to eat. It’s actually one of the most difficult bloody things to peel and prepare – and that’s if you’ve managed to get it exactly ripe, cos everyone knows if it’s even an hour after peak ripening then it’s no good. Avocados take no prisoners, if your not there right at the second it ripens, it says fuck you and proceeds to transition right into the overly ripe, slimy mush that not even a bit of salt can make taste nice.

The avocado trend needs to end. It’s 2017 and there’s enough shit on this planet that if we can get rid of just one crazy, ridiculous millenial hype then we should. They look ugly, cost a bomb to buy, and they taste like disappointment. Plus, I want my Instagram feed to go back to being filled with cute pictures of dogs, not endless posts about avocado toast.