Someone who has clearly never attended a festival before has created a waterproof festival onesie

How are you supposed to pee

It’s been a long, slow start to the year, but the best part is finally arriving – festival season is just around the corner. Festival season means two things: 1) you will be absolutely broke for the next three months and 2) fashion retailers will haul all of their most bizarre shit out of the warehouses and brand it as “festival-style” so we buy it.

Cue this waterproof jumpsuit which apparently will render you completely “Glasto ready”.

I have some questions about this jumpsuit, from Norwegian onesie company Onepiece, who will let you wear it for the surely-that-decimal-is-in-the-wrong-place price of £159.00.

  1. Has the person who invented this ever been to a festival in their entire lives?
  2. Have they used the toilets at Glasto, where you queue for what seems like hours but is realistically like twenty minutes, telling your friend an incredibly long story about how much you love and value you them, before closing the door on a pitch black coffin where you can’t see the makeshift sink, nevermind a zipper to fumble in and out of (and yeah you could use the light from your phone to see but it’s been on seven per cent battery since Thursday night and you might need it to take more pictures)?
  3. Has the person who designed this ever worn a jumpsuit/playsuit on a night out, where you feel fashionable and beautiful right until the moment you have to get completely naked in the club toilets and then ask a complete stranger to zip you back up again?
  4. Why would I pay over half the ticket price for the privilege of wearing this?

Crucially the point they have missed in creating this is that even if it were practical (it isn’t), the point of festival fashion is to be as extra as possible while wearing as little clothing as possible. That’s why things like glitter tits exist, duh.