I spent a night on ‘rich people Tinder’ and realised it was a huge mistake

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I spent a night on ‘rich people Tinder’ and realised it was a huge mistake

You have to be voted in by the ‘successful and attractive’ people on the app

You know what it’s like. You’re broke, it’s a Thursday night, you’re pretty drunk and not totally prepared to go full on Sugar Baby and sign up to Seeking Arrangement. That’s basically how I ended up on my phone, squinting through one eye and scrolling through the app store after searching ‘posh Tinder’. Eventually, I stumbled on Luxy.

Luxy was the name of the app and boasted itself as a place to ‘Meet real Successful & Attractive singles from around the world’, and whilst I don’t class myself as either of those things to the standard they were looking for, I thought that I’d wing it and see if anything came from it.

The rules were pretty simple, I had to make my profile and over the next 24 hours members of the app would decide whether I would be voted in or not. Trying to make myself seem like I was actually from the same world as the members was the easy bit. I had a thesaurus by my side to make sure I sounded as articulate as I could, so members could bask in my varied and wide vocabulary, and I took a few cliche activities and chucked them in there for good measure. I thought that I’d covered the ‘successful’ brief pretty well, so I moved on to attractive.

While editing the profile, there’s an option to fill out tags about yourself and while I was trying to pick some ‘classy’ ones, I saw there was options for ‘big breasts’ and ‘blonde’. Now my little B cups would not have fit the criteria, but I did have blonde hair a few months prior to this and I still had a few pictures.

Next I set about trying to create a ‘classy’ picture for my profile. I had chucked on a nice dress over my pyjama bottoms and tied my hair up for that effortless, attractive, messy bun. However, when I saw the tag it was clear that my solution was searching through my Facebook. I now had a somewhat ‘successful and attractive’ profile.

Now was the wait, the thing that threw me off straight away was that the only people voting me in were men. When I had done this ‘experiment’, I can’t recall being able to show interest in both genders and I remember being kind of confused as almost every other dating app has that still I persevered and stuck it out for the rest of my waiting time.

I hadn’t expected to get so anxious over whether or not I got in, the waiting page showed a percentage bar and sometimes it went up but I’d check back and it would be almost half of what it was. I started to feel guilty and ashamed that I’d put myself in front of these people who I (clearly) wasn’t good enough for.

But, I was student who decided to do this while I was drunk, why was I getting so worked up? I could have subscribed to their premium service and gotten on right away, which seemed tempting just to put an end to the yoyoing percentages and the worry, but what would be the point of doing that if I didn’t know whether they even wanted me there?

Compared to Tinder the app had a lot more features, you could gift people roses which would be put towards a daily ranking page that other members could see. There was also an events page, there were some community ones but majority of people would put out an event for a date with them. Members could bid to go on the date with bids starting at around £1, whoever the person liked the most would be wined and dined for the evening.

There was the Tinder like feature of scrolling through the profiles, and there was a surprising mix of people. I saw a pilot, a CEO and numerous ‘entrepreneurs’ with a non disclosed income. The only downfall was that ,without paying for a premium membership, I was limited to the amount of profiles I could view. I can understand this though, surely an app that’s based on income and attractiveness would expect it’s members to fork out the dollar to get the full experience. I however, had a solid £3.98 in my bank account and therefore couldn’t get the full package that the app offered, which was the thing that stopped me from continuing lying my way into a successful and attractive man’s arms and a lavish lifestyle.

After doing everything I could on the app without giving it my money, I decided that it was all too complicated for me, and that lying is something I’m not very good at. The thought of having to consistently go along with the story I had created for myself stressed me out, and honestly the pay off didn’t seem worth it.

So I went back to my old way of meeting people, getting drunk and channeling my inner stripper in the club.

@TheTab