The biggest fights in Made In Chelsea history, ranked by drama
Yes, the one where Millie slaps Spencer is in here
Made In Chelsea isn’t like it once was. Gone are the glory days of Verbier, The Lost Boys and Lucy Watson’s overactive eyebrows; nothing but dust remains of titans like Caggie, Spencer, Hugo and Millie.
Instead, what we’re left with is a dead-eyed raft of identical blondes and new characters like Harry Baron, a man who is less King’s Road, more middle-of-the-road St Albans club promoter.
One thing which hasn’t dropped off, though, is the show’s ability to deliver a good juicy argument. This week’s episode, for example, gave us everything from Sam Thompson drenching Jamie in watered-down vodka mixer to Julius throwing a tantrum which literally ended with the words: “I don’t want you in my life, I hate you, I hate you.”
Which did get us thinking: what was the most vicious fight in the history of the show? We’ve narrowed it down to nine hefty contenders – cast your vote below.
Millie v Hugo (Series 2, Episode 3)
Most memorable line: “I’m well… Apart from finding out that you cheated on me.”
Disregarding Season 1’s Spencer/Funda drama and Ollie Locke coming out to his decidedly female girlfriend, it wasn’t until three episodes into the second season that we got our first proper Made In Chelsea fight.
As in, someone cheated on someone else and had a drink lobbed in their face for their troubles.
There were more revelations to come, when Millie would find out it was in fact her BFF Rosie whom Hugo had shagged.
Cue one of the most toe-curling moments in MIC history: Millie announcing it to an entire party of gobsmacked guests (including Rosie herself) during a toast “to friendship.”
Spencer v Andy (Series 4, Episode 1)
Most memorable line: “Leave the fucking terrace. Leave the fucking terrace before I get angry. Please leave the terrace.”
Of course, we’d really seen nothing in terms of drama until Season 4 rolled around.
The first fight of the season took place in Saint Tropez, where Spencer finds out new boy Andy “Nostrils” Jordan had been hitting on his girlfriend.
Which led to him beckoning Andy out of the pool like a lifeguard about to tell off a child for splashing.
Spencer introduces himself in full David Brent mode, but is immediately blindsided by Andy’s insistence that he doesn’t know who Spencer is despite them being castmates on the same reality TV show.
Andy blatantly ignores Spencer’s advice that he avoid Louise, which leads to an extremely tense showdown on a terrace later in the episode.
“I’m not leaving.”
“You’re not gonna leave this fucking terrace? I need to talk to her.”
“I’ll leave the terrace, I’m not leaving the pardy.”
“Go on then, leave the fucking terrace. Leave the fucking terrace before I get angry.”
Shakespeare it is not.
Lucy Watson v Everyone (Series 4, Episode 6)
Most memorable line: “Why is everyone getting up in my grill?”
Along with Andy came another fresh face: Lucy Watson, queen of the OTT side-eye. Having binned off Jamie to attend a dinner party with Mr Jordan, things got heated when Spencer asked if she was anything more than Andy’s “flavour of the week.”
As tension mounted and the girls started to get involved, Lucy uttered the line I shall have engaged on my tombstone: “Why is everyone getting up in my grill?”
Causing Millie Mackintosh, the only MIC cast member with a more expressive face, to do this:
“Who says that?” she snorts. Lucy Watson, that’s who.
Millie v Spencer (Series 4, Episode 11)
Most memorable line: “Are you taking the piss? You must be taking the absolute piss.”
It’s weird to think there was a time when we hadn’t seen Spencer get slapped, or that a “Spencer is a cheat” storyline would come as a surprise. Ah, to be young again.
Anyway, Spencer cheated on Louise, and Francis told the girls. And for all his Marlon Brando-esque “you come to me, and you disrespect my girlfriend” protests, he couldn’t stop Millie doing this.
Which we’ve all fantasised about doing at some point in our miserable lives.
Spencer v Louise (Series 5, Episode 3)
Most memorable line: “It’s fucking hard to respect you when you allow me to cheat on you.”
Int. The Thames, daytime. Louise walks with purpose towards the inevitable dissolution of her relationship; Spencer does as Spencer does, staring wistfully across the river like the Phantom of the fucking Opera.
Spencer tells Louise he can’t be in a relationship and that they’ve drifted apart. He calls her possessive, controlling and manipulative. He also says she calls him too much, and helpfully lets us know what people look like when they use a telephone.
With the breakup not going as cleanly as he’d planned, Spencer brings out the big guns: he tells Louise that he can’t respect her, because she allows him to cheat.
Which gets him slapped. Obviously.
Victoria v Cheska (Series 6, Episode 11)
Most memorable line: “Don’t fucking open your fucking fat fucking mouth you fucking fat turkey.”
Never one to be petty, Victoria Baker-Harber takes it upon herself to start an argument by telling the table that their cheeseboard “smells as bad as Lucy’s breath does.”
Some mild insults are thrown her way. Lucy calls her an expensive prostitute; Cheska calls her mean. How does Victoria respond? By calling Cheska a “fat fucking turkey.”
Which I could spend time dissecting, but I’ll let the reactions of the rest of the table do it for me:
Sam Thompson starts playing a trumpet and Proudlock tells everyone to calm down, evoking the Christmas spirit. “Look at Mytton and Binky! Look how happy they are!”, he says.
Oh sweet Proudlock. You haven’t seen anything yet.
Binky v Mytton (Series 7, Episode 7)
Most memorable line: “You had an orgy!?”
Fast forward seven episodes and Mytton and Binky’s idyllic relationship isn’t all it cracked up to be. Mainly because, you know, Mytton had that orgy.
The fact that this is what tips Binky over the edge after their earlier “promise me you only cheated on me four times” argument is strange, but tip her over the edge it does.
She slaps him. Hard.
While Spencer just stands there with the shit-eating smirk we’ve come to know and love.
Jamie v Mytton (NYC, Episode 2)
Most memorable line: “I’m gonna leave you guys to it, but I think you’re a piece of shit so get out of my life and get out of this city.”
These immortal words are uttered by Binky, shortly before she leaves Mytton and Jamie to what is probably the most heart-wrenching argument in MIC history.
Mytton has slept with Jamie’s ex Tara, although he’s characteristically apologetic. If you believed Alex Mytton, you’d think all the sex he’s ever had was due to him slipping, falling and ending up in someone else’s vagina.
Jamie is heartbroken. His voice reaches a devastating falsetto as he begins to cry.
We’d be lying if we said we didn’t cry too.
JP v Ollie Locke (Series 12, Episode 1)
Most memorable line: “I’m a fucking good guy. My parents have raised me well. I’m a gentleman.”
So spake Josh “YOU FED HIM MARSHMALLOWS” Paterson, the all-round good guy and gentleman who can’t seem to stop screaming at the mother of his unborn child and everyone around her.
He’s spent the summer finding himself, and he wants everyone to know he’s come back a fucking good guy.
Which Ollie doesn’t believe, demonstrating his disbelief by throwing his drink into the river.
Jeez, it would take an accidental pregnancy to come back from a fight like that!