A small collection of the weirdest and worst Tinder bios we’ve ever come across

Tinder is a weird place. A strange barren wasteland, a post-apocalyptic hellscape filled with people looking to fuck. Because it is a weird place, most of us combat that by coming up with profiles that might be quirky or funny but are ultimately normal enough that whoever’s swiping on you doesn’t think “cool, this person’s gonna keep me in a cage in their basement and peel off my skin to eat with a nice Chianti”.

Not these people though. These people, who have actually appeared on the app in real, terrifying life, have taken a rather different tactic.

The full package:

Barry who wants to quench your desires, potentially using his jazz hands:

Just a lot to take in af:

Have to admire the flexibility here:

I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say Omeo is an ass man:

I would take this offer I’m not even lying it’s f i f t y  d o l l a r s:

Ah you like rugby? A shock! Shocking:

She was fearless, and crazier than him. She was his queen, and God help anyone who disrespected his queen:

The most visceral ‘is that your baby’ negative reaction I have ever felt:

Arrrgh! Rape jokes and memes ahead! I shall probably find ye on Reddit!

A hustle’s a hustle to be fair:

No wait, this is the most visceral ‘is that your baby’ reaction I’ve ever had:

I’m very overwhelmed by this one and I think his profile pic – I think – is from Assassin’s Creed so there’s that:

Remember those Goosebumps books where it was like ‘what do you do, turn to page 26 to continue’. That’s what this profile is like and I love it:

@rosielanners