The ages you peak at for pretty much everything, according to science

Good luck marrying by 26


Want to feel worse about your life? If there's one thing that's going to trample on your happiness and toss you into a pit of despair, it's yet another article telling you that your life is not currently on track. At all.

Business Insider have collected a massive amount of data from a number of studies, and claim to have found the ages at which you peak for pretty much everything.

Here they are.

18 – PEAK BRAIN PROCESSING POWER

Which means you've been losing brain cells every day since your 18th.

23 – PEAK LIFE SATISFACTION

This one must be untrue because I'm 23 and my life is a mess.

23 – PEAK ATTRACTIVENESS

Fuck.

25 – PEAK MUSCLE STRENGTH

If you're still at uni, sinking pints on rugby team socials every Wednesday night, rejoice: you'll only get bigger and brawnier until you turn 25.

If you're 26 or over, however, it's bad news: you are wasting away one whimpering day at a time.

26 – PEAK AGE TO FIND A LIFE PARTNER

While this isn't the age you're expected to marry, this is supposed to be the age you find a partner you're going to spend your entire life with.

Better get cracking – you can't marry yourself!

28 – PEAK FITNESS

Based on this being peak marathon age, it looks like you're going to peak fitness-wise closer to 30 than 20 – so you've got a few years to give up smoking and drinking and solely eating food you found on JustEat.

It also means you've probably got the best sex of your life to look forward to – estimated to be 26 for women and 32 for men.

39/48 – PEAK SALARY

You'll be earning the most at 39 if you're a woman, and 48 if you're a man.

Unless you subscribe to this train of thought:

In which case you'll still be living in your parent's house and earning nothing.

51 – PEAK EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

So despite being expected to get married by 30, you're not going to be able to properly decipher a text from your crush or understand when you're being ghosted until you're 51.

Cruel, cruel world.

69 – LIFE SATISFACTION (AGAIN)

Probably because you'll be living off your millions in Mauritius by this point.

74 – PEAK BODY POSITIVITY

It's both sad and heartwarming that 74 is the age at which you'll be happiest with your body.

Sad because you should be happy with it now, while it's at its peak, but heartwarming because you'll probably still be rocking crop tops and booty shorts well into your mid-70s.

82 – PEAK WELLBEING

Just accept it: you are not going to be happy until you are 82 years old.