It’s official, Dan Humphrey was the absolute worst man on Gossip Girl, according to a scientific poll

He won by a landslide obviously

Retrospectively we can see two things about Gossip Girl, the show we once loved so dearly. 1) THEY’RE DEFINITELY NOT 16-YEAR-OLDS THEY LOOK NOTHING LIKE 16-YEAR-OLDS. And 2) everyone on it is kind of awful. But as George Orwell probably would have written about the cultural zeitgeist of the 00s that Gossip Girl summed up, some are more awful than others


Earlier this week we outlined scientifically the most awful of them, and asked you to vote for the worst. Unsurprisingly, the worst person in Gossip Girl was Dan Humphrey, Lonely Boy, creepy-litboi-blogger and GG himself. Dan cleaned up with 33 per cent of the overall vote, with the Bass men coming in second and third with 20 per cent for Chuck and 11 per cent for Bart respectively.

That’s how bad Dan Humphrey is, he placed worse than Chuck Bass, widely regarded as an absolute prick. Dan spent five years lying to everyone around him, dragging them anonymously on the internet, acting like a tortured artist while he wrote about his little sister losing her virginity and writing awful trash like this:

“Bitches don’t just happen. They’re made.”

“Spotted: Dan Humphrey, shoeless and clueless.”

“Looks like World War III has just broken out – and it’s wearing knee socks.” 

At the other end of the spectrum Gabriel came out pretty unscathed with just 1 per cent of the overall vote, tied for least-of-the-worst men with Serena’s whiny younger brother Eric Van Der Woodsen (which is weird because he fucking succccckked).