I don’t want no clubs, clubbers of the week can’t get no love from me

Hangin out the passenger side of their Uber rides tryin to holla at me

The week is almost over. Sad face. But that means you get to read clubbers of the week, as you do every lazy Sunday evening. Happy face!

Here are the best clubbers in the UK this week.

Best makeup of the week

Would have gotten away with it if it weren’t for those meddling lips

When your mate’s a virgin and you want to support him

Here for u man

*record scratch* You might be wondering why I’m wearing a pleather bomber on a nightclub dancefloor

It all started in Coventry Topman, back in 2008

When you wake up to go to the toilet and can’t find the light switch

Careful now

How could I resist a man who was in the Royal Highland Show!

It’s Scotland’s most prestigious annual farming and countryside showcase!

Mate I think there are rats in this club

Nah man I’m serious I think I just saw one

When one of the boys cracks open a cold one

Howay the lads

When he tells you Big Ben is actually the name of the bell

Gurl it’s actually called Elizabeth Tower why would I lie 2 U?

The nectarine epidemic is tearing our nation’s youth apart

So young and so hooked on fuzzless peaches



When you steal a precious pitcher from the giants of Brobdingnag

Hurry, before they realise what you’ve done!

We all have that one friend who’s terrified of club logos


Can you guess which of these is painted on the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel?

Trick question. It’s both!

The Black Death has taken so many of our clan

Come with us, lest you perish as well