All the girls you definitely met during your time at private school

You were the one who was always in detention, weren’t you?


Preconceived ideas about private school will include the Daddy’s girls who always get their way, and the rebels who insist on smoking behind the boarding house. But there is more to private school girls than that, and if you went there, you’ll have undoubtedly come across every single one of these.

The one who got expelled from her previous school

It was for drinking, I think. Or having sex at school, or smoking. You’re not entirely sure because she’s never really said, and you’ve never really had the courage to ask her outright. There’s just an air of mystery around her.

The super-rich, overachieving one

She’s on an ‘All Rounder’ scholarship -academic, sports and music – but her parents forfeited it because they don’t really need it. She’s often jetting off to Monaco over half term, and went on safari over easter, right before exams. She still managed to get 6 A*s at A-Level.

The one who ‘got hot’

She went under the radar until year 11. Over the summer she grew boobs and dyed her hair and all of a sudden the boys realise she’s a catch and compete for her affections.

The one with a boyfriend who had already graduated from uni

Chloe spent every weekend with her older boyfriend in London and came back “sooo hungover”. She was probably the fittest girl in your year – too fit for the boys in your year. It’s not until years later you realise how creepy it is he was going out with her.

The one who was always in detention – or worse yet, the headmaster’s office

Whether she’s skipping period one or is drunk during rounders practice, she is always in trouble. Somehow, though, she smiles her way out of it.

The go-getter

CCF, hockey, drama, choir, debating. You name it, she was doing it.

The head girl

Who you knew you should like but really, you just wanted to punch her in the face. Repeatedly.

The super fit Russian girl

She had a diamond in her tooth and loads of cash in her dorm.

The one who wears loads of eyeliner and concealer lips

Along with five layers of mascara. It’s a wonder she could open her eyes.

The horsey one

She wore tweed at the weekends even though there were no fields in sight. You liked her, but you’re pretty sure she would have rather been hanging out with her horse, Tilly, than you.

The teacher’s daughter

Sweet and innocent looking on the surface – all the teachers think she’s a darling. But really, she’s sending profanities and naughty pictures to all the boys over MSN.

The one(s) with the combover

Come on, we all did it.

The one whose parents have a house in Spain

Meaning she has a permanent tan and chills there during study leave. It’s okay though because you’ll all go together the summer of your GCSEs, get really drunk and have the best time ever, woooo Javea 2008!!!

The one who only drinks bottled water

No, it doesn’t taste that much better, but her mum still packs her off to school with a crate of it each week.

The prefect who took her role too seriously

“Someone has switched the name tags on all the year nine’s bag’s during chapel”, she says with tears in her eyes. Leave the discipline to the teachers, Annie.

The one who’s always late back from ‘town leave’

Ah, town leave, your two hours of freedom on a Saturday night. There was always one staggering in half-an-hour late and getting ‘gated’ the next weekend.

The one with the younger boyfriend

This was unconventional. Sure, when you were in year nine your best friend went out with a guy in upper sixth. But this time, you’re in upper sixth and she’s getting with a 14-year-old, living that cougar life at the prime age of 17.

The one whose entire family went through the school

She was a fourth generation attendee, and the teachers all loved her because her older brother and sister were both clever and charming. She was a leaf out the ol’ book. The really old teachers taught her father. Her Granddad’s name is embossed into the new science block’s wall.

The arty, anti-establishment one

She wasn’t even at uni yet but she’d already begun saying things like ‘fuck the system’ and dyeing her hair unauthorised colours like purple.

The painfully organised one

She has every colour of gel pen, including the sparkly ones. Her revision notes are perfectly colour coordinated.

The super quiet, religious one

Who’s now married – I wonder why.

The one who didn’t really belong to a girl gang

Everyone likes her, but she also likes everyone – and this is her downfall. Pick a side, Amy.

The one who is literally late for everything

You don’t know how she functions – if you still know her she hasn’t changed at all.

The one who is always ‘going to fail’

Oh my gosh she’s done “no work whatsoever!” She’s crying as she leaves the exam hall and you’re thinking, well she’s super clever, so I must have done alright. Results day comes: she’s nailed an A* and you got a C.

The younger one all the older girls hated

Her name was shortened to something ending with a ‘z’ and all the boys in your year fancied her.

The older girls who hate all the younger girls

We were never this disrespectful when we were in year nine.

The ‘naturally blonde’ one

Her bright, bright hair is swept over to one side. She’ll claim it’s been “lightened by the sun”, but you know better.

The one who likes to make the make teachers feel really uneasy

She’d often tell them she fancied them in front of everyone in class when she got bored. They’d have to file a report after the lesson.

The one who everyone picks on

There’s one in every girl gang. Her nickname is something like ‘Gammy’. Even though she’s clever and pretty she just draws mockery to her.

The Queen Bee

She’s not a loud, screechy bitch as cliches would lead you to believe. She’s quiet and cunning, and Girl World gravitates around her. The girls want to be her, the guys want to be with her – everyone is intimidated by her.

The Gretchen Weiner

This may be one person, it may be eight, desperately seeking the approval of the Queen Bee. Secretly, though, they bitch about her when she isn’t there.

The girl who had a car at school

She would take you to McDonald’s at the weekend and you’d drive to games with music full-blast.

The one who always ‘got it wrong’ at the house dinners

Her friend two years above bought loads of wine for her and now she’s on the floor. You have to hide her from teachers before she gets housed. Or worse – runged.

The one who’s always housed

Jenny, stop smoking in the car park next to the science block! You keep getting caught!!

The girl who gets suspended for getting runged three times

And it’s a massive deal. Some of you cry when she leaves.

The one who’s friends with all the older boys

She’ll get invited to all the 18ths, and bring you along. It will be the most highly-anticipated and highly disappointing evening of your year.

The one who showed you how to roll up your skirt properly

She also wore eyeshadow in year nine and she is your style idol.

The outrageously sporty one

She’s somehow the captain of 1st team hockey, netball and tennis. She’s also training for GB triathlon/lacrosse/swimming at the next olympics. She’ll eat endlessly because she has to restore the nutrients from her two swims before lunch.

The one who’s destined for an art foundation

Soon she’ll have an undercut hairstyle, and will wear things that make you feel utterly boring.

The ones who went on all the school trips

Guys they aren’t compulsory.

The one who was ‘definitely, definitely’ related to royalty

She was always angry and everyone was scared of her.

The one who gets a kick out of making the teachers’ lives hell

She’ll have her phone confiscated in every class, but that’s okay because she’ll just pass notes instead. In one lesson, towards the end of the year, she’ll tell the teacher in front of everyone they’re terrible at teaching and make them cry. It will be awkward.

The one who’s ‘really good at doing hair’

You’ll all queue up before each house dinner or ball, asking her to work her magic. The result will always include quiffs and/or plaits.

The one who’s ‘new’

She arrived in year ten and everyone wants to know stuff about her. Where did she come from? Why did she leave her old school? Which group will she slot into?

The girls who wore really tight shirts

And fluorescent bras, and act disgusted when told by male teachers to fix it.

The one who just radiates light

She is beautiful and her mum takes her on yoga weekends. She couldn’t harm a fly and all the boys are in love with her. But she never gets with any of them, because one of her friends fancies them. She is too pure for this world.