Rise, clubbers of the week, like a phoenix from the ashes of 2016!

Spread your golden wings and dance the burning dance of life!

Phew, that was quite a break, wasn’t it? We’re all feeling a little worse for wear after Christmas, but we must march forth and carry on being as tres classique as we normally are.

As the clubbers of Britain claw their way back to the dancefloors they call their homes, we have returned to document the whole affair as we normally do.

Here’s a little taster of what the clubbers of 2017 have in store.

What? Clubbers of the week is back!?

I for one am delighted

Come up in the club like what up I got a big


When you’re trying to have fun with your boys and a girl turns up

Why is she here she has no right to be here

When you tell your girlfriend you’re at your mate’s playing FIFA

Hope she doesn’t recognise my fade

Omg is that Robbie Rotten


When you’ve fallen out with your mate and are trying to make them laugh

Someone’s been eating a mustardy hot dog!

The last word on her T-shirt is ’tissues’

When you’re trying to secretly murder congressman Peter Russo and a photographer catches you

No problem officer I’m just taking him home


The branding lied to me

When you and bae are united by your love of stamping on mice

Splat splat splat splat

When you’re trying to steal yourself some wall art but you get caught out

It’s a Jackson Pollock

And finally: bet you didn’t realise this guy has famous dads

Told you