A girl’s guide to enjoying phone sex, by girls

It’s 2016 and phone sex has never been easier. Phone sex can be a great way of obtaining a form of sexual intimacy with a partner at a distance. But as appealing and arousing as the idea may seem, we don’t all have the confidence it takes to be able to vocally enunciate what we like in the bedroom on the other side of a phone. And that’s OK.

Fortunately in this glorious day and age, our options have widened. The term phone sex has broadened and is no longer exclusive to a vocal phone conversation: text, WhatsApp, FaceTime, Skype, Snapchat… the options are innumerable.

It’s often thought of as something guys pressure girls to do, something we don’t actually enjoy that much. But phone sex, just as any other kind of sex, should be done for your own sexual enjoyment and not just to soothe your partner’s desires. If done right, phone sex might actually be a great way to build up confidence and trust in a relationship, and it can also feel empowering. Here’s how to do it right, and enjoy it.

Ease yourself in with sexting

“Personally I do it all the time with my boyfriend, whenever I miss him a little, I send him a horny text. It never takes him very long to reply to those texts. Usually what we’ll do is that we’ll each in turn invent little sex scenarios. But I think it’s important to build it up slowly. Like I think I’d be a bit put off if the guy was straight away like: I just want to fuck you from behind against your desk. That would be way too quick.

Like you haven’t even had time to really get into it, and then he sends you that, and you’re like OK, that’s cool but I’m just kind of eating my sandwich right now, so. It definitely needs to be a slow build up for it to work. That way as well, you slowly build up the confidence to be more and more open about what you’d like him to do to you. I feel like it’s a very easy way of hinting at what you want them to do to you in bed.” (Emma)

Send some pics, obviously

“Pictures can be incredibly efficient to get him to tell me things that I want to hear. I use them to tease him by slowly revealing more and more skin on the pictures, it’s exciting. But I’ve heard so many horror stories about girls whose pictures ended up on the internet that I think you need to be very careful about it. Make sure you trust the person you are sending them to. And I think if you’re doing it in a more casual kind of situation then it’s mainly important that you don’t put your face in the pictures in which you are revealing your body.

“It’s shit that we have to worry about these things, we’d be a lot more confident in our sexuality if there wasn’t this degrading stigma of being on a leaked naked picture. But I think even if it’s not a guy who might be vicious enough to put your picture on the Internet, if it’s not someone who respects you entirely, then there’s always the risk that he might show it to his mates.

“So if you send pictures I think you just need to make sure that you’re sending them to someone who truly respects you. Trust your instincts, if it doesn’t feel right, it’s probably not right.” (Louise)

Let them do the talking

“I honestly never thought I would ever be the type of girl to enjoy phone sex. I always find it very difficult to express what I want or how I like things in bed. I think in my case what made it very arousing is that I barely had to do any of the talking. It was with this guy I’d had some crazy sex with after a tinder date once. I was quite drunk one night and we started messaging on WhatsApp, one thing led to another and before I knew it I was orgasming while on the phone to him.

“It was great, I literally woke up the next day feeling like I’d had sex. We did it a few times after that, I ended up loving it. I don’t think it’s something I would do with just anyone. It definitely has to be with someone that’s incredibly confident sexually. And I think it also kind of helped that my relationship with this guy was exclusively sexual and had little to no emotional attachment, for some reason it made me a lot less shy around him sexually.” (Ally)

Skype sex is still phone sex 

“My relationship probably would not have survived without Skype sex. I was travelling for nearly seven months so that was a really long time to go without feeling sexually connected to my boyfriend. We definitely managed to stay connected through Skype sex. We ended up doing it nearly twice a week. I felt kind of weirdly powerful from being able to arouse him and make him orgasm at a distance.

|I think it’s important to take is slowly and ease it in. To be honest I can’t imagine doing that with someone I wasn’t entirely in a trusting relationship with. I’d be too paranoid that they’d record it or screenshot the screen or something. But for my relationship, it definitely made our sex life more exciting and we were definitely a lot wilder and more frivolous in bed after that. Since I’ve been back we use Snapchat quite a bit now to send each other short videos from time to time when we get a horny text.

“It’s just a bit easier than Skype because it can be done quite quickly. It definitely keeps things exciting. I think even if I was single and just sending flirty sexy things to guys I had casual sex with, Snapchat would still be my go to method, but I’d be a lot more careful with it incase they screenshot the screen.” (Diane)