They’re a ragtag band of misfits, united by their love of the lash
Every week, the clubbers of the British Isles gather in a holy pilgrimage to the dingiest party pits of the UK – they’ve been doing it since before alcopops were invented, and they’ll be doing it right up until the inevitable heat death of the universe.
And even if you can’t be with them on those sweaty dancefloors, every week we endeavour to provide you with the next best thing. Here are the best clubbers in the UK over the last seven days. Yeah, you’re welcome.
Best Pablo Escobar lookalike
Geniuses are always branded as crazy
Bass fisherman of the week
No, not her, the guy in the background
Who are you calling a cotton-headed ninnymuggins?
SON OF A NUTCRACKER
That guy in the background has just thrown a pint of his own piss
Now to reap the consequences
Tell us which light is hurting your eyes Jamie
Don’t worry young man we’ll turn it off for you
Are you saying my curls aren’t voluminous enough?
Do you know how much argan oil costs these days?
They said they’d be here they said
They said in the corner
Turns out Nemo was just on a three-week bender the whole time
Look at those fucking pupils
BONUS ROUND: Blokes in Glasgow doing lame hand signals
These two actually fucking hate each other
Literally just look at their facial expressions
Me when the meal deal includes Thai sweet chicken McCoys
YEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-
When you see your mate getting in a taxi with a fittie
Text me after bud
Yeah you’re not getting served guys
Or you’re just really short
When the DJ puts on Cruz Beckham’s Christmas single
Maaaaaaate certified banger
This guy in a fucking SANTA HAT just tried to get with me
There’s a boundary, and there’s respect
Oops, you have to shag this guy now
Tbf he’s an excellent big spoon
Haha what did he just say to me?
Haha swear down I will slaughter him and play around in his blood
Can you Photoshop us into a better club?
Omg do you know Mahiki? Photoshop us into Mahiki