Joe Biden could run for President in 2020 so the world might be OK

Save us daddy Biden


“What the hell man” said Joe Biden to a small group of American reporters, signalling he might run for President in 2020 in the most Joe Biden way possible.

They’d asked him if he’d considered if when Biden replied: “Yeah, I am. I am going to run in 2020. For president. And also, you know so, what the hell man, anyway.”

For most of us this is fantastic news. From our 2016 hellscape, a 2020 cuddly-but-sexy Joe Biden future looks rosy. We might be saved. Joe Biden, the little scamp who’s probably booby-trapping the White House right now, would return to his rightful place in Washington and vanquish the evil Donald Trump. On the surface it would be amazing, to be fair. Everyone fucking loves Joe Biden. He’s a universal unifier – he cares about the right things, he makes the right jokes, he looks like a happy cloud, or a sexy young man.

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But consider this. Joe Biden would be 78 if he took office in 2020. He’d be the oldest POTUS in the history of the United States. He might be tired and sad by then, worn out by the Trump Hunger Games we’ve all had to endure in the four years previous. Worst of all, he might disappoint us. We love Joe Biden because of what he is – a loveable sidekick. Running for President might ruin that.

And worse still, it might ruin him. You saw Obama in those talks with Donald Trump; stern, gray, world-weary. Obama is young and fit and the Presidency still took its toll. Can you imagine what it would do to Joe Biden? What we would do to Joe Biden with our scrutiny and our criticism? If anything bad happened to Joe Biden, I genuinely don’t know if I could forgive myself.

Joe Biden’s campaign would be like the disappointing solo album from the rapper who’s always just featured on tracks five and six. Voting for him would be like liking your dad’s cringe Facebook statuses or accepting his Candy Crush requests – he’s too old to really get what he’s doing but come on, he’s your dad (or Joe Biden). Think of how sad his little face would be if nobody liked his status (or voted for him in swing states).

So you’d support him, obviously, but you might feel a bit like Beyonce in that picture with Hillary Clinton, wincing slightly, thinking of the greater good – getting rid of Trump – but unable to shake the feeling that well, it’s just not quite Obama is it.