2017 - 2024 Tab Media babe •
We should have listened to Kylie Jenner about 2016
We were so foolish
A roaring fire in the middle of California, a reality TV mogul in a fluffy albeit definitely unnecessary jumper, a prop cup of cocoa which is almost surely empty. It’s not the set-up anyone expected to prepare us for what a fucked up 12 months 2016 was going to be. But everything Kylie Jenner said in this video, somewhat confusingly entitled “my resolutions” was absolutely true.
Fitting nicely into her role as unlikely Calabasas Cassandra, Kylie says: “Like, I feel like every year has a new energy, and I feel like this year is really about, like the year of like realizing stuff. And everyone around me, we’re just realizing things.”
We laughed. We made her a meme. We rolled our eyes at how cringe their app-promoting short videos are. But she was right. Kylie Jenner is the clairvoyant hero we needed this year, and until now, we had no idea.
It was the year of realizing that while we think we have all the time in the world with people there’s always a David Bowie, Leonard Cohen, Harper Lee, Prince, Gene Wilder, Alan Rickman or Pete Burns to prove you wrong. It was the year of Brexit, Donald Trump and realizing that maybe democracy is just a bit shit. Perhaps there have been worse years than 2016, but our collective memory doesn’t stretch back far enough to find anything that compares – and besides, we never had Kylie Jenner to rely on before.
More than political analysts or climate change experts or well meaning friends posting about “getting through this” in long, overwrought Facebook statuses, it will be the Kylie Jenner who’ll predict what 2017 will be like. Will it be the year of working through things? Will it be the year of overcoming things? Will the pressure of having us hang on her every word push Kylie’s supernatural prowess to breaking point? We can’t know yet.
https://twitter.com/spatifypremium/status/795096966568939520
https://twitter.com/sadxhoe/status/795026276516040708
There is one small chink in the armour, one false promise in her prediction. At the end of the video our oracle Kylie shrugs and adds: “2016. Lookin’ good.”
But even the best mystics make some mistakes.