girl going down on girl

A guide to going down on girls, by girls

A cornucopia of cunnilingal education

| UPDATED Show Images

Every straight boy in the world thinks he’s the fucking don of going down on girls: this is a fact. It’s become more of a marker of sexual prowess than anything to do with actually making someone feel good. Because of the secure bravado with which every man will ensure you “I think I know what I’m doing hahahahahahahahaha,” it’s hard to give them proper advice. With that in mind, we asked some true experts what you should actually be doing.

You’re welcome.

It’s all in the build up

“Going down on a girl is literally the sexiest thing you can do – especially if you let her know you’re really enjoying it. And yes, just like sex without a blowjob, she will be disappointed with your performance if you don’t go down on her every time. Build up the anticipation first – kiss around the top of her thighs, don’t go in for the kill just yet. When she starts wriggling around a little and is getting a little wetter, gently go for the clit, slowly building the pressure with your tongue.

“Use your tongue to stoke up and down, slightly below the clit and just on the hood, but not straight in the bullseye. Work her up by switching up the tongue strokes and speed – some long some short – and differentiate. When she’s moaning, that’s when the fingering should start. When you take very small little breaks (and you should) breathe heavily on her. To get her really excited, try edging (working her up until she’s about to come and then then easing off) a couple of times. With your other hand, reach up and grab her boobs. Pay attention to the way she is grabbing you or touching your hair.

“If this experience is good for you too tell her, but not too much. Telling her she tastes good is a real turn on. Do not under any circumstances put pressure on her to come though, or ask her “are you going to come for me?” because you can guarantee she won’t. When she comes, keep kissing gently down there, but don’t be too persistent on the clit, it’s at its most sensitive right now. Give her a moment before you carry on – and thank you very, very much. Oh, and it’s ok to kiss me on the lips after you’ve done it – girls don’t feel the same as guys about that.” [Olivia]

Pay attention to the hair pulling

“Actually paying attention to how we’re responding seems so obvious and yet most guys never do it. You’d think being quiet or y’know, issuing actual instructions would be enough to get things moving in the direction while he’s… performing (?) but it’s basically never the case. Overt instructions aside, faster breathing and almost ripping your hair out of your scalp are pretty good indications that you’re actually doing it right.

“I know movies, magazines, and porn have been telling you forever that you need to adopt some fancy, swirling, alphabet-writing technique, but please believe us when we say that there’s really just one spot “where the magic happens” as an MTV Cribs host would say. Yup, you’ve guessed it. The clit. Most crucially: when we say don’t stop, don’t fucking stop.” [Emily]

grapefruit-vagina (1)

Eye contact is not encouraged

“This is a guide to licking out, not fingering, so please don’t start using your fingers in replacement for your tongue – that’s not what I asked for and it’s not the reason you’re down there. Don’t go straight for the clit otherwise it’s going to be over too soon – tease it out.  

“Also don’t lick my vagina like you would if your ice cream was melting rapidly on a hot day – this isn’t a race, change the tempo every now and then and make the experience last for as long as I physically can. And don’t talk to me, or make any eye contact – it’s gonna ruin my vibe”. [Abby]

It’s a marathon, not a sprint

“It should take you a several minutes before you even get down there – as long as time allows you to take. To be honest, the longer you make a girl wait before even starting, the more likely she is to come (a guy once literally teased me for about 45 minutes before going down on me and it was one of the best orgasms I’ve ever had). Equally, once you get there, don’t be hasty. I know it is said over and over again to “go slowly” but it’s shocking how many times guys just dive straight in and go for the clitoris.

“Going down on girls is technically foreplay but the fore-foreplay is key. If you think a girl is getting close do not ask her or tell her you want to see her come. It may sound dirty and turn guys on when girls say it to them, but it can just add pressure to girls. For a really strong orgasm, keep going until she is right about to come then stop – keep doing this and by the end she will be able to come without you even touching her.” [Dana]

No questions should be asked

“‘Can you go down on me?’ shouldn’t be a phrase women are used to saying, but unfortunately it is. Sure we’re not afraid to say what we want in bed but when it comes down to our clit being completely ignored if we don’t, something’s not right. Maybe it’s not guys’ fault. Maybe they just don’t know what we really want. Top tip: don’t wait for us to ask or think that’s not what we want. Just know that anytime, anywhere we want you to go down on us.

“And if we’re being honest, sometimes you can skip straight to it – to the lips that really matter. Take a minute to play with the rest of our body while you get in position. If we know your intentions teasing goes a long way. Now that you’ve made your way down it’s important to note that pleasuring a girl is a marathon not a sprint. It’s crucial you stick to the clitoris. Nothing else really matters.

“If you’ve heard spelling out the alphabet with your tongue is the surefire way to make every girl happy, you’re heard wrong. Our vaginas are all unique, they like different things. And if you get it right the only thing the alphabet will have to do with it is us screaming the first letter. You want to start off by moving your tongue around the general vicinity of the opening of the vagina. When you feel us tremble and grasp onto you with purpose that’s your signal for x marks the spot. Stay there and let your tongue do the rest, starting slow and slightly increasing speed, getting us wetter as you go.

“Don’t ask me if I like ‘that’ – you should be able to tell by the way my whole body is shaking or how I’m pulling on your hair. Fingers should play a secondary role in this performance. Not gone completely, but used as sort of an add-on when things are going well.” [Ellie]

featimage10

Get handsy

“Firstly, if you expect me to go down on you, you should always go down on me. When done right it can be the best feeling in the world that’ll make me lose track of where I even am, but it needs to be done right. Every girl is different, so obviously be aware of what she’s enjoying and what she’s not – but generally there’s a certain way to keep most of us happy.

“You have to start out slow. Go in too quickly and we’re more likely to tense up and hate it, so really emphasize on the buildup. Start out slowly, kiss in between my legs, switching between licks, sucks and kisses. Do that until you can tell I’m really turned on, then move onto the clit. Start slowly by circling your tongue and building up pressure, ask if I want it harder. It’s ridiculously sensitive though, so go easy. I don’t mind if you ask, but I’ll let you know with my body language if I’m enjoying it – pulling your hair, arching my back, breathing deeply.  

“Show me how much you’re enjoying it too – it’s a huge turnoff if I know you’re just doing it to get it out of the way. Moan a bit, tell me I taste good – but under no circumstances should you look me in the eye. Make sure you’re using your hands too, whether it’s circling the clit while you kiss everywhere else (think of it like gently sucking on an orange segment), running your fingers up and down my body or gripping onto my hips. Wait until I finish, but don’t act like you expect me too either, just let me enjoy it for as long as possible.” [Melanie]

It aint about you (sorry)

“Going down on a man always comes along with an ‘I know you want this’ or a ‘tell me you like this’ And while I’m probably not having the ~time of my life~, I often enjoy going down on men. In return, I expect the best from you. What’s almost worse than guys not going down on us is when they go down on us and half-ass it just to get to the sex faster. The sex will be better if you take your time.

“Don’t even rush into going down on us. Foreplay should always come first. Next thing’s next, don’t ignore the clit, but don’t he hard on it. Violently rubbing it or biting it in the hopes of turning us on quickly will do nothing but turn us off. I might like it rough, but this is an exception. The best tips I can give are use your hands, and use your entire tongue. Sticking the tip of your tongue in there just isn’t going to do it. Start with the back of your tongue, and really commit. And when you’re focusing on just the clit, use your fingers.

“Just because you’re going down on us doesn’t mean you can’t do both.” [Chloe]

*With thanks to all contributors. 

More articles recommended by the author