Who is the worst Harrovian of all time?

The only list on which you’ll see both Churchill and James Blunt


Last week, we gave you the opportunity to vote for the worst Etonian ever – and you decided it was Boris Johnson.

Now, it’s time to crown an OH equivalent. Who is the worst student to ever have graced the hallowed halls of Harrow? Cast your vote below.

Lord Byron

replica by Thomas Phillips, oil on canvas, circa 1835 (1813)

Famously described as “mad, bad and dangerous to know,” George Gordon Byron spent much of his short life leaving a trail of broken women in his wake.

Byron’s mournful poetry has survived to the present day, as have the stories of his misdeeds: like how he used to keep a pet bear in his Cambridge halls, drink wine out of a monk’s skull and shag his own sister.

James Blunt

Where to start? Ever since he first burst onto the scene with “You’re Beautiful,” James Blunt’s irksome voice has annoyed so many of us that his name has become synonymous with all things exasperating.

Seriously, the National Lottery even used him as a stock irritating celebrity in an advert alongside Noel Edmonds, Katie Price and Vinnie Jones to encourage people to buy tickets. The advert’s slogan? “Please not them.”

Benedict Cumberbatch

It’s just a stupid name, isn’t it?

Richard Curtis

love

Richard Curtis is a difficult one. Without him, we wouldn’t have the likes of Mr. Bean, Bridget Jones, and Hugh Grant’s speech in Love Actually.

Then again, without him we’d have been spared Mr. Bean’s Holiday, Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason, and Hugh Grant’s blundering acting in everything else.

Mark Thatcher

Sir Mark’s life would make a Bond villain blush: he’s spent his time being outed for offshore dealings by the Panama Papers, being implicated in shady arms deals with Saudi Arabia and being charged over links to an attempted military coup d’état in Africa.

Impressive, seeing as he would have made the list on his mum alone.

Winston Churchill

church

Churchill, you say? But he’s a bloody national hero – he’s on the five pound note, for Christ’s sake.

Granted, he may have done the whole “winning the Second World War” thing and his speech about the beaches was pretty damn impressive, but that doesn’t change the fact that old Winston was a bit of a bigot.

“I hate Indians,” he once said: “They are a beastly people with a beastly religion.” He called Palestinians “”barbaric hordes who ate little but camel dung,” while he lamented the fact his travelling companions were too “squeamish” to be in favour “of using poisoned gas against uncivilised tribes.”

Didn’t stop us voting him “The greatest Briton of all time,” though.

James Bond

No, not that one – we’re talking about the leading expert on Caribbean birds. He’s on the list because his greatest achievement was having his name nicked and given to an even better James Bond.

By Ian Fleming. Who went to Eton.

Nigel Thornberry

Fictional he may be, but has there ever been an OH as clueless and careless as Nigel?

Educated at Harrow, Nigel disappointed his mother when he was offered a professorship at Oxford but turned it down – and who can blame her? The head of the Thornberry family instead decided to swan off around the world and put his children’s lives in danger for his own selfish gain.

Plus, his laugh is more than a little grating.

Gary Ballance

You may remember the time Gary Ballance cut loose after a game against India, whipping his shirt off in a Nottingham club and telling punters “I’m not a cricketer tonight, I’m just a drunken bastard,” before being carried out screaming “England! England! England!”

Which, to be fair, might actually make him the best Harrovian of all time.

John Amery

amery

This guy was literally executed for being a Nazi-sympathising fascist, but you’re still probably going to vote for James Blunt, aren’t you?