These are the cringiest Facebook posts from the freshers of 2016
‘My mum says we should probably all bring an extra toaster, just in case’
Every year, teenagers who are about to embark on the educational experience of a lifetime hit up freshers’ pages on Facebook. Mostly, they spend their time trying to sooth their social anxiety and asking complete strangers banal questions and whether everything will be OK.
From here, they form group chats, dividing themselves up according to the subject that they are going to be studying, the halls that they are living in and probably what their favourite colour is.
Here are the best of the cringiest posts from all of the freshers’ groups for this year’s cohort.
Imagine if the sixth fact that you’d tell people was that you were obsessed with lasagne. Imagine living a life like that.
Please just fuck off Emily.
Wise ol’ Max, a veteran of the beer pong table, commander-in-chief of pre-drinks. This is probably his second undergraduate degree because he just loves uni so much. Everything will be okay because Max will look after you. His word is gospel, his superpower would be turning water into wine, pint after pint of it.
The new freshers are getting a bit of practice in before meeting all their new friends and spewing torrents of bullshit out of their tiny, goblin mouths throughout Freshers’ Week.
Here’s that guy who makes a big thing about his extreme political views because otherwise no-one talks to him.
Possibly the only question you could ask that is more boring than ‘What did you get in your A levels.’
Got bored before making it to the end of the post, guessing you did too. Imagine being cornered by Tasha in your new halls kitchen on the first night. Next thing you know, it’ll be three years later and you’ll already have your degree, and she still hasn’t stopped talking.
Students love a bit of s bolly, spaggy b, ‘hetti, spag bol, bloody legends.
Just call it PE, don’t try and make it sound like a proper degree.
The award for best premise of starting a group chat goes too…
Yah I travelled around Thailand, Cambodiya and Vietnaarhm.
Not the worst idea in the world.
Would you sign up for a loyalty card with the devil? I didn’t think so.
You need the one that spells out ‘boobies’ when you turn it upside down.
There’s almost definitely a chat but good luck finding any in it.
If your Mum told you to jump in front of a bus, would you do it?
I can answer this one for you Matty, no-one wants to watch Bake Off with you.
Do we look like the bald nerds who work behind the desk in PC World, Jazmin?
You always need someone to divvy up who gets which cupboard and to leave passive aggressive notes on the fridge when someone borrows the tiniest bit of their milk. The situation that Crystal seems to be voicing her concerns about is one where she’s sitting on the floor of her shitty halls kitchen and using two cheese graters to scoop beans into her mouth.