I dressed like it was the noughties for a week and it felt fantastic
Hey now, hey now this is what dreams are made of
It’s been 16 years since 2000. Just let that sink in. SIX. TEEN. YEARS. Long before iPhones, Urban Decay Setting Spray, Instagram – hell, even before any of us saw the light and embraced our eyebrows, the decade of questionable culture was bestowed upon us.
Back when it was still completely acceptable, nay, it was encouraged, to walk around looking like you’d been kicked through Claire’s Accessories and you were literally no one without a velour tracksuit. The Kardashians weren’t a household name and Kylie Jenner was three years old.
Feeling nostalgic, what better way to pay homage to the time that brought us bald Britney than to walk around in the strongest fashion statements for a week?
This was how it went:
(Disclaimer – for extra noughties points, I smelled like Fantasy all week.)
Day one – figuring out the make-up
After some research (i.e: looking through my old MySpace account), all the fond teenage memories of my first experiences with make up came flooding back. For reasons that are still unclear, from 2000 on wards we were all about that creamy, smeary eyeshadow look in as many colours we could get our hands on. Purple was always the clear catwalk winner, followed closely by blue.
And the girls were masters of every hair style that should have never happened. The first one I tried out was the essential messy low bun with two very precise, very carefully picked tendrals to ‘frame the face.’ (You did it in year 9, don’t lie to yourself and say you didn’t). It obviously wouldn’t be a 00’s throwback without the uniform choker and overly glossy lips, so they featured on my first day too. Luckily, it’s pretty quiet in the office at work so I’m not greeted with too many disconcerting looks. I basically just look like a way younger version of myself.
Day one – Double denim
Definitively the best moment of the 00’s was when Justin and Britney blessed our eyes with their ‘all denim everything’ ensemble in 2001. Short of the denim cowboy hat (gutted), the best way to show I was feeling the throwback was to team another 00’s favourite, dunagrees, with a signature old school denim jacket.
The look in itself wasn’t too distracting; double denim is still worn now, so be it in far more tasteful choices. The real give away was having another go at noughties hair trends, and today’s was that phenomenon of shoving millions of little clips in random sections in the front of your hair, like a weird plastic crown. For full retro brownie points, I could have included hair mascara and butterfly hair clips. But I’m 22 so my moral well being wouldn’t allow it.
Day three – Wearing as many tank tops as possible
Ok, so it was really only two. But something else we bloody loved doing around 2005 was wearing multiples of the same clothes at the same time. Remember when it was socially acceptable to throw a pair of jeans on under your skirt? I found that the most popular version of this had been to wear a vest with thicker shoulder straps under a teeny tank top.
It’s vitally important that the thinnest straps go on top to show you’re being edgy and you’re not just insulating. Again, this was pretty passable on it’s own, but in true 00’s style another choker emerged alongside another unexplainable hairstyle. Lizzie Maguire has a lot to answer for in terms of crimping and spontaneous little plaits all up in your weave.
Day 4 – THESE JEANS
I genuinely could have written a whole article on how I couldn’t believe that in 2016, jeans like these still exist. JUST LOOK AT THEM. Am I an extra from an Atomic Kitten Video? Did I steal them from Kelly Rowland? Did someone sit down and say ‘I need to roll every poor fashion choice of the past ten years into one pair of pants?’ The answer to all of the above could have been yes because not only were these bad boys white AND high waisted, but they had FLARES.
I felt like I had ticked off enough 00’s fashion statements just by owning them, but of course to keep with the theme I threw on some creamy green eyeshadow, questionable eyeliner (we weren’t so much about the definition back then) and kept my hair on the back of my head. I sadly sit at a desk so I feel these beauties didn’t get the airing they deserved.
Day five – The gypsy skirt
It saddened me to my very core that I couldn’t find one of those illustrious disc belts every single female wrapped around the top of her flowing, bump-creased skirt and hid a pair of cowboy boots underneath. I did manage to find this little gem though, complete with all the questionable patterns of my teenage years when the ‘hippy’ look seemed to be unbeatable and everlasting.
It was also super wearable, and I’d go as far as saying the only down side to today’s throwback look was that my side ponytail and one of those forced side fringes Rihanna made famous around 2008 made me look about nine years old. Obviously matched today’s gloss and eyeshadow to the skirt. The noughties were nothing If not co-ordinated.
Day six – Completely unnecessary turtlenecks
I blame boy bands entirely for this one. Post-1999, it was suddenly really fashionable to make sure you didn’t let any of your heat escape through your neck, as well as enhancing your chance of having a double chin and hiding any hickies.
While this jumper did me a favour during my oddly dressed week at work, it’s absolutely horrible. When I thought of turtlenecks, I thought of that *NSYNC music video where they’re all standing in the forest wearing them and cooing at the camera. Apparently that’s slightly sexier than data entry at my Mac. I tried to liven today up with those Gwen Stefani-esque mini buns that are creeping back into fashion. I’d definitely rock them again.
Day seven – It had to be the trilby
The head piece that got the unstoppable Miss Britney Spears through her darkest days: the notorious head shave of ’07 right the way to all of the poor choices of extensions every year after. I’m surprisingly exhausted from having to put this much thought into what I’ve been wearing all week to make sure it fitted my nostalgic, rose-tinted criteria.
So I’ve gone for the 2003-2006 hungover party girl look at it’s finest: dirty hair pulled into loose pinktails, poorly fitting top and low slung jeans. If I wasn’t at work I’d be rocking ‘Juicy’ shorts and flip flops.
So there we have it, a whole seven days dressed like someone from one of our finest decades. I’d be happy to never wear eyeshadow again, and I’m currently praising the hair gods for the invention of the top knot. Other than that, all other throwback items are bundled away in my wardrobe. You know, for reunion tour related emergencies.