Shave off your moustache! Nigel Farage has ruined them for everyone
The ex-UKIP leader has single-handedly killed the ‘tache revival
After leaving the spotlight because he wanted “his life back,” Nigel Farage has stormed back into the headlines after debuting some very questionable facial hair.
Farage, who once said that “any normal and fair-minded person would have a perfect right to be concerned if a group of Romanian people suddenly moved in next door,” has never exactly been a fashion icon: but now it seems he’s out to kill a trend which is sacred to many.
Moustachioed men of Britain, we’re sorry to say it – but it’s time to shave off that ‘tache.
In the last few years the moustache has gone from being something a few noble blokes would do to raise money for charity, to something every man and his Miniature Schnauzer grow to show they buy their clothes on Brick Lane.
So if this is the nudge your moustache-oil-buying mate needs to shave off that caterpillar on his top lip, then it’s probably a good thing.
One such whisker-sporting millennial is York student Callum McCulloch, who doesn’t like the ex-UKIP leader aping his style. “I had lunch with him once and he seemed like a lovely bloke,” he says: “He’s really not, though.”
So would Nigel’s new look convince Callum to change his? “No. Farage’s new facial adornment is another reason to hate him, but nothing will make me shave mine off.
Moustachioed English gent Brad Vanstone is a bit more pessimistic about the moustache’s future: “I think this signals the beginning of the end for anyone growing them in the future,” he says.
“But I’m just so fond of mine and, given that I grew mine first, I think I’ve still got dibs over him. It really is a poor man’s ‘tache he’s sporting. Nigel’s essentially just bought an iPhone 3GS – I’m not gonna throw my 6 down the sink because of it.”
Luckily for Brad, Farage has since shaved – saying it was nothing more than a “dummy run” for this year’s Movember. Although with autumn fast approaching, it won’t be long before his facial hair will be back in full force.
The problem is, Nigel’s offering seems to be part of the disturbing trend of swapping some subtle whiskers for the ’70s porno ‘tache – a trend noted by the Guardian to have been sported by “Mario, Ned Flanders, Ron Burgundy and Borat,” but which has also recently be seen on the likes of Jake Gyllenhaal and James Franco.
Like corduroys, flares and Uptown Funk, this is one ’70s revival which needs to go back where it came from – so unless it’s for your GoFundMe, get on your fixie bike and go buy a razor. Please.