Giving up sex for two years is the best thing I’ve done for myself

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Giving up sex for two years is the best thing I’ve done for myself

It was also one of the hardest

Your twenties are arguably the most acceptable time to experiment and go wild. I can’t say that I’m innocent, I had my wild phase at university, going out and having a string of trysts here and there. I experimented with pretty much anything and everything, getting piercings, tattoos, boyfriends and memories of adventurous nights out.

But all of that changed when I graduated.

I woke up and smelt the coffee the day after I returned home from uni. I’d been having sex regularly at uni when the allure began to fade. Now that I was out of that university bubble, I felt jaded. Enough was enough. If I wanted to find someone worth my time, I couldn’t continue this lifestyle. Sure, I liked to party, but I swore I would cut down and there would certainly be no sex.

Me at university

There was method to my madness. The appeal of meaningless sex that everyone enjoys at uni had faded. I just didn’t see the point of getting off with a stranger, taking them home and never seeing them again, or awkwardly bumping into them here and there. Now I was in my twenties and had graduated, I thought it was time to be an adult, so I made a silent pact with myself: I wouldn’t do anything remotely sexual until I was in a relationship.

It was one of the most challenging things I’ve done. Men I dated thought it was quirky at first, then got fed up when after a month of dating, I still wouldn’t drop my knickers for them. They’d decide that it was too much effort for what they wanted, which was sex, and demanding respect and a commitment from them meant that I was asking too much. I went on countless first dates with guys who thought they could somehow be so attractive that I’d go back on my words and give them a quickie in the toilet of whatever bar we were at.

I soon became a good judge of character; it never took me long to figure out someone’s true intentions on a first date. Inevitably, they wouldn’t get what they wanted and I would text them to thank them for taking me out but it wasn’t going to work because they just wanted sex and they were never going to get it. Only one guy actually admitted that those were his real intentions from the beginning. I told him I respected him for being honest enough to admit it and not try and ask me on a second date for more sexless chatter.

Me now, with my best friends

It’s backfired against me though. There have been times where I have been led on for ages and developed feelings for the guy, only for him to lose interest because I won’t sleep with him unless there was some form of commitment involved. I don’t think I’m asking too much. The right guy for me won’t try and get sex out of me before committing to a relationship. He will respect my decision and take things slowly.

I have definitely had moments of weakness where I’ve questioned myself and thought “would it be so bad if I just did it?” My judgement is obviously lowered when I’m out and about and see a hot stranger who soon becomes an acquaintance. I’m blessed with what can sometimes be a curse for me: I have amazing pulling power. I’m proud to say that although I have been enticed and tempted, I haven’t slipped up.

https://www.instagram.com/p/7dt3cKFgpC/?taken-by=jazzykinks

I haven’t had sex in almost two and a half years. I love sex, so it hasn’t been easy. But it’s honestly the best thing I’ve ever done for myself. It’s taught me a lot of things about who I am, what I want and what I need; things I probably wouldn’t have thought about if I was still hooking up with people here and there. It’s taught me the importance of self-respect. Self-respect is different for everyone and I’m not here to preach to people to give up sex until they’re in a relationship.  For some people, the highest form of self-respect is to have casual sex, and I appreciate that.

For me, casual sex can be toxic so I really wasn’t respecting myself when I was “having fun” at uni. Now that I’m not bed-hopping, I feel better about myself, more comfortable in my own skin and I feel like I now know what I want in a partner. It’s also taught me how much people lie to get what they want. Call me crazy, but I always gave people the benefit of the doubt when it came to being honest because I’m a very honest person myself, but it seems that 99 per cent of people don’t hold themselves to the same standards.

I know that I’m probably in for several more sexless years, but it doesn’t really bother me. One day I’ll find the right guy, and if I don’t, I’ve taught myself the importance of self-love so that I can be happy alone.

@MillieSansoye