Celebrating Rosies: the best worst club in the UK

Sure, they serve hot dogs inside


Rosies Nightclub in Chester has had its fair share of attention over the years. Mostly because it’s notoriously shit. For the people who grow up in Chester, you know it’s bad, everyone tells you it’s bad. It’s only when you experience it for yourself do you realise how bad it is.  After going to uni and experiencing what a good night actually feels like however, you can never look at the place the same way. Even though you’ll still probably end up going when you come back for the holidays.

Its reputation has made headlines in the past. Many remember it for the controversial Halloween costume contest where two Chester uni students dressed up as the twin towers, and they fucking won. More recently, the club had been forcibly closed by the police for 2 weeks due to too many anti-social incidents. This doesn’t come to a surprise to many people who have been there. T

Here are some more reasons why it’s so bad…

The Staff

Let’s face it. Bouncers all across the country can be hit or miss. Rosies, mostly miss. In fact, totally off the radar miss. These bouncers have a reputation in the north-west. People are far as Liverpool, St. Helens, even Preston know about the infamous Rosies bouncers are. We’ve all heard stories about how bouncers will creep on girls, or be rough with some of the visitors. But in 2014, a Rosies bouncer was brought to court after he threatened a man with an axe. Not to mention when I was 18 one of them snapped my provisional in half and I’m still bitter about it. You’d think with all these outlandish measures they go to “ensure people are safe” that they’d at least keep the riff-raff out. Time and time again however, there are still prettr tough people going in. Enough times that the place was forcibly closed.

The bar staff aren’t that palatable either. Considering the years worth of horror some of them must have witnessed. It’ll take you about 30 minutes to get a drink at some points in the night, and I’ve heard plenty of stories about rude bar men. One Trip Adviser reviewer said “The place absolutely stunk, the staff, bouncers, cashier had no people skills, were rude and didn’t give a shit.”. I think everyone who’s been to Rosies can recognise that top floor smell creeping out the men’s by the entrance to the smoking area.

a younger, more naive version of myself

The Layout

For anyone who hasn’t been to Rosies it has three floors. Which oddly enough seems to be the main focus of their “multi-floor experience” tagline they advertise so much with. Floor one is Popworld. A tie in with the other Popworlds around the country. This is where you’ll find most of the old men who can’t hack the stuff they play upstairs. It is classic 90s cheese, however it always seems to be quite underwhelming. Anyone can play Kylie, but not everyone can bash out a solid 5 hour cheese set. It’s probably the most enjoyable floor if I’m honest, it’s a shame no one goes there.

Middle floor is all house. Recently refurbished with an Asian/Yakuza style decor. However, you can’t polish a turd and it’s pretty much exactly the same as it ever was. I say house, it’s basically the dance chart, from about 2008-2012 with the odd big hit to keep things interesting. Here you’ll probably find someone sweating and stumbling around trying to negotiate the steps placed randomly around the dance floor. You’ll be blasted with a sea of smoke from machines that are about 50 centimetres above your head. All the while you’ll have people ramming you because they’re dying to get another drink.

Third floor, the most popular amongst most young people in Chester. Many locals know it for it’s not so causally racist nickname. They are just as outdated in terms of music, however in a rather brave attempt to bring grime to the north they’ll often play Skepta and Solo 45. It doesn’t take away from the fact that Dangerous Love by Fuse ODG will be played every night without fail. Here you’ll find all the people from the year below, some just turned 18, some here with their cousin’s mate’s sister’s ID that they bought for 15 quid.

The various hallways are also so awkward to get around. With a small staircase leading to all the floors that have seen many people slip on rogue WKD and fall. Only for resident medic to take you to the mystic sick room, a clinical cell that is oddly right next to where they serve food. Also they sell food in the club, for only £3 you can pick up a whole slice of pizza. Bargain mate.

The smoking area deserves credit where credit is due. You can easily spend two hours at once in there. Mostly to escape from the horrific heat but also to catch up with basically everyone from school. There’s nowhere else to go in Chester so there’s an 80 per cent chance that you will see someone, if not a whole group of people you know.

Let’s be honest though, no matter how bad it is, no matter what goes on. There’s nothing else to do. You’ll probably be in there a week into your holidays.

 

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