Everything that happened on a teenage night out in Harpenden

Living in the little town of Harpenden we’re quite limited with what we can actually do.

You can either visit one of the eerily similar pubs, join Harpers gym or get a haircut. Face it: if you’re not above the average age of 30, there really isn’t much for you.

So, understandably, growing up in this middle-class wet dream was quite boring. Here’s how every tragic teenage Friday night was spent while growing up in “the bubble.”

School finishes, so you go home to change immediately and whack on your Lynx Africa

Your mum bought you some wicked deodorant, legend. You use half the can in one go and either put on one of your 2-for-£10 Topman T-shirt, or some Jack Wills, and then you’re off to meet in front of Sainsbury’s

You all congregate outside Sainsbury’s in a 20-person strong group

You all meet up and swap songs over Bluetooth and show how loud your phones can play while menacing the older population of the town. Your pocket money either went on Sainsbury’s Basics chocolate, 4-for-£1 Tango cans or…

You spend all your cash at Pinarz

“I’ll have cheesy chips with passionfruit Rubicon please,” you say in a squeaky voice. You sit on a bench on Station Road trying to find something to do tonight.

You probably end up watching a fight up in Rothy

You hear rumours that people are going to have a fight, so you dump your cheesy chips with burger sauce and rush over with 15 other people.

You see a huge gathering near the skate park and rush in to see what is going on. Everyone films on their Motorola Razrs as two year 10s weakly grapple for 15 minutes.

Or you just hang out at the football cage 

You usually kicked a ball about that always went over the fence and into the trees behind it, causing people to climb up and free it.

More importantly, here you could play your music loud while you shoot the shit or play 1T1B without fear of someone complaining.

You might attend a party in a local hall and trash the place

The older generation of Harpenden probably thought that it would be safe to host a party for a 15-year-old at one of the public halls. They expect party rings, bubbles, lemonade in white plastic cups and party games.

In reality, they turned out to be a mass gathering of people smoking weed, drinking enough Apple Sourz to flood a desert, and breaking every window, door and toilet in the building.

You hear that local curry houses may serve you 

You fancy a nice cold pint in the pub to feel like one of the adults, but you’ve been kicked out of them all for trying to get served.

Never fear, you heard rumours that the local curry houses may be serving alcohol to those around the age of 16/17 and head there.

After a subtle, non-verbal contract with the manager of a curry place in the arse end of St Albans, he ends up selling you half pints of beer for £4 and you are none the wiser that you are being ripped off. At least you get a flaming sambuca at the end.

You hear there is a party in Batford and you have to go

A friend from school (well, a girl in the year below who you’ve never spoken to) is having a house party – and since the town is so small, you obviously have friends in there who are invited and can get you in.

You count your remaining money and call up someone’s older brother.

Pre-drinks at the top of Rothy, a random field, or in someone’s garden

Once your contact has delivered your Lambrini, Budweiser, Glen’s or Strongbow and overcharged you (although you’re none the wiser and won’t find out till you’re 18), it’s time to get smashed.

You send out a mass text to friends asking if they want to come out and, most importantly, bring money so you can get more alcohol.

You make a fire, and probably put stuff in there you shouldn’t 

You create a fire using a stolen lighter, newspaper, and sticks just because you can. Once lit, the half can of Lynx Africa you have in your Jack Wills bag comes into use again.

You throw it on the fire, run far away, and hide from the exploding shrapnel. Why? It’s funny isn’t it.

Once all the alcohol is gone, you begin your journey to the house party.

The long trek begins and with a good mood and drunken brain you set off. You make movements in a big group, making sure to wind everyone up who walks by, and you inevitably get lost. Where/what is Milton Road, and how do you get to Southdown from it?

You arrive at the house party, and are inevitably disappointed

Looks like your friend can’t get you in and the host’s big brother is at the door making sure that strangers aren’t allowed entry. He’s on the St George’s rugby team, so best not mess with him.

You attempt to ask your friend to bring the party host out in order to persuade them to let you in, and that you’re actually much better mates than you really are.

Success! You are allowed in with all 16 of your mates

The party host is drunk and allows you in. Everyone is outside smoking with cigarettes they either stole or bought at local shops. You pretty much spend your whole evening here, trying to get “twos.”

It comes to 12am and everyone has to leave, but you haven’t got a lift

You said to your parents that you were staying round a friend’s house, so they’re fast asleep thinking you’re safe and sound.

In reality, you are stuck in the middle of nowhere and have to walk down dark country roads to try and get back to civilisation. You’ll probably take a wrong turn and end up in Wheathampstead.

You come up with the smart idea to sleep rough

You can’t see straight and certainly can’t talk coherently, so you can’t bullshit your way through anyone’s parents, so you probably think that sleeping in a local field or cemetery is your best bet.

It’s freezing cold and you don’t actually sleep, but you have to stick around till a sufficient time to go back home.

The next day you plan again

Your young metabolism allows you to shake off any hangover and leaves you wanting more.

ne1 goin Rothy 2nite?