The most ridiculous excuses you’ve used to get out of a date
‘I lied and told him I was a Scientologist’
Some first dates are a train-wreck from the start and can leave you feeling like you’ve got to get out quickly. So what’s your exit plan? You can’t swipe right in person, you have to come up with an actual reason to leave.
We tracked down people’s best worst excuses for your entertainment – and boy are they good.
When I was in my teens I said my cat had got run over and then hid in my mums work for an hour. She wasn’t even working that day so I had to wait until she came to pick me up.
I made my best friend call me and say he had just run over my dog.
I was on this date and it was just awful. I usually have a couple friends who I can text to come and gatecrash in an emergency to kill a date, but they were all busy so I had to get creative. I ended up telling him I had another date in twenty minutes and that I’d have to leave. I apologised for “accidentally” booking overlapping dates, but he was still kind of upset. Bonus twist ending: because the date had been so bad I needed to do something fun, so I texted this guy I used to see casually. And 20 minutes later I actually was on a second date.
I told him that I had got the runs and can’t use public toilets.
A guy took me out for dinner and spent the majority of the time telling me why the fox hunting ban should be revoked, so I told him Jeremy Corbyn was my dad and invited him to a socialist rally after dinner. I don’t think he could work out if I was being serious or not, the date ended quickly and I never saw him again. (Jeremy Corbyn isn’t actually my dad)
I told my date I had to check my hall mate’s mailbox and sprinted out of the restaurant. I ran the whole ten blocks home.
I just left! I told him I was going to the loo and didn’t go back.
It wasn’t a date as such, but a friend of mine once met a girl in a club, invited her back to his, on the way home had second thoughts. So said “I just need to tie my shoelace”, crouched down and just legged it! Usain Bolt style!
My friend was on a really bad date and called me ten minutes in. She asked me to call her back in half an hour and say my boyfriend broke up with me and I needed her. I didn’t even have a boyfriend.
I literally ran away. We were sitting at the bar outside the festival hall on late afternoon, and his exact words to me were “I had this other date at lunchtime, and we did it in the toilets. It was really sexy. But don’t worry, I’ve still got energy to go again.” And then he actually winked. About a minute later, he said he was going to the toilet. The second the door of the hall swung shut behind him, I was off! Literally ran. Didn’t stop until I got to the national theatre further down the South Bank, and hid in there for about 20 minutes!
I once in high school skipped out on a date with a guy who I wasn’t into. A friend tried hooking me up with him because she “felt sorry for me”. When he called asking me out I told him I couldn’t go because “My cat’s having a lot of personal issues. Yeah, he’s anti-social and has a bad case of ADHD. Cats have that too, yes. Plus he’s on a new medication so I got to watch him and he’s territorial concerning me and other males around me.” It actually worked and he bought it. Never asked me out again.
“Sorry I’ve gotta go, my pet fish died” I used this once and I think he was more upset than me (about the fish). He wasn’t very bright.
Years ago I went on a date with someone from OKCupid. I decided to be spontaneous and date outside of my comfort zone. We went to see Jonah Hex. He pretended to hold the door for me (not something I care about) but then said, “Gentlemen first,” and cut in front of me. During the movie, it was clear he knew nothing about Marvel comics and just continued to talk about how hot Megan Fox was the entire time. Afterward, we awkwardly walked back to our cars and I said I had to go do stuff because I needed to get out of there. So I went over to Chipotle and had a meal that was better than that experience. Then he started to text me and say he went home to shower, and then asked me to come to his place to hook up. Obviously, I declined and finished my burrito bowl.
A guy took me out for dinner and ranted the whole way there about not liking tomatoes and how he couldn’t kiss me if I ate tomatoes. So I ordered a chicken parmi with a side salad and ate the tomatoes first with a lot of “mmmm” noises. Then I said “guess you can’t kiss me now, may as well take me home.”
I told him that my flatmate had texted to say she was locked out so I needed to go home and let her in. My flatmate was in New Zealand at the time.
This guy rocked up with no shoes! I was like, “so you gunna put your shoes on” He actually told me he “didn’t like shoes.” You think I like my bra? This is the price you pay for entering society my friend.
I just say “fuck it, I’m out”.
I went to a bar with a guy who was super boring. When he went to the loo two guys came and sat on the table next to us and we started chatting. They invited us for dinner with their friends at one of their houses. I wanted to go because the date was super awkward and I was too embarrassed to leave early. After dinner and a few drinks I left my date there without saying goodbye.
My friend called me to escape a date and I had to fake labour and hence needing a sitter at short notice. I wasn’t pregnant and apparently he had really bad teeth.
One time, on an awkward date, I lied and told the guy that I was a Scientologist. I was lucky that it actually worked instead of backfiring horribly. He wasn’t a douche, things were just dragging. I didn’t even really do it on purpose; I really had been reading L. Ron’s Battlefield Earth and I like science fiction enough that I don’t discriminate against the creator of thetans and shit. Then date’s eyes got really wide when I said “I’m reading this book by L. Ron Hubbard” so I just leaned into it.