An A-Z guide of how to get over a guy this summer
It does not involve crying or Facebook stalking
Recently I’ve had the misfortune to fall hopelessly in love, which took me on my lengthy journey of getting over a guy, and it hurt like hell. But hopefully you can take some benefit from my suffering in this handy A-Z guide of how to get over a guy this summer.
This is crucial. You’re enough of a heartbroken mess without constantly seeing them and extending your own torture. At this point, you won’t be able to just be friends, not until you’ve had enough distance to put this guy out of your mind for at least a few hours. Don’t meet up, unless it’s a large enough group that you can still avoid them completely, and for god’s sake do not meet up just the two of you. You’ll start imagining romance that isn’t there. Stop it.
Besties (> boys)
An important reminder every heartbroken girl needs. No guy is as good as your best friends. At the end of the day they will be the ones there to tell you you look hot as you cry into your pizza and ice cream moaning about how perfect he was and how useless you are.
Mother knows best, and don’t you ever forget it. Call her and tell her how much of an arse he’s been and mum will always be your biggest fan ready to provide the comfort food and helpful advice. She’s probably experienced enough fuckboys in her life to know exactly what to tell you let’s be honest.
Don’t drunk dial
Seems obvious right? But alas no. If we are being honest, we’ve all sent that pathetic drunk text “babex, i miss u lods pls tak me backll xccc” or made that drunken, tragic, incomprehensible call from the club toilets whilst our friends look on hopelessly. It never works out, so just don’t embarrass yourself in the first place.
Explore the world
Travel and become the cultural, independent, intelligent woman that is simply too good for the guy you want to get over. Plus, it helps you get into a totally different place where you won’t be reminded of your ex by everything you see.
Flirt – because you can
You have no duty to a guy. You can do what you want. Text that random hot guy from the club, because nobody is stopping you. Sad as it is, flirting will help you feel validated and remind you that there are plenty more fish in the sea, and some of the fish are even hot.
Get your ass to the gym
Distract yourself and become even hotter at the same time, so the next time they see you, they’ll be the one feeling like an idiot for letting you go. Squats, squats, squats and repeat girl.
Hot at all times
Be on fleek, constantly. On social media and in real life. You never know when he will show up so don’t take any risks. Superficial as this seems, guys are only human, and the hotter you look the more devastated they’ll be that they aren’t with you, personality doesn’t matter at this stage.
There’s a reason eat your feelings is a saying. It works. Don’t overdo it of course, but also put time aside to indulge your appetites because hey, Ben and Jerry are the only men I need in my life.
Just act happy
Fake it till you make it. Studies show that if you force yourself to smile and laugh for a while, sooner or later it becomes natural. Squash down that sad rejected version of you deep, deep down and make the illusion of perfect happiness.
Keep your own advice
You know that excellent advice you always give your friends about the guys screw them over, cheat or don’t text back? Yeah? Use it. Your advice worked for them so maybe you need to man up, show a little self control and try your own advice out for once.
List why it would never work
Speaking from personal experience this one works super quickly. Make a list of every reason why either this guy would never have worked out well as a boyfriend or why your ex wasn’t a good boyfriend. Trust me, once you get started the list can get pretty damn long, and it helps you stop idolising this guy as some sort of hero and see him as the arsehole he really is.
No I don’t mean the soppy Tay Tay unless you are feeling like a good cry, I mean get some badass Beyonce on and remind yourself of what a strong, sexy, smart independent woman you are (can be, you’re a bit of a mess right now).
Social media is evil. It allows you to constantly see someone’s life, but only the best bits. Which then leads you to thinking that their life is amazing whilst you’re wallowing in self pity. Not true. Just don’t stalk them. Don’t go through their Facebook, instagram, snapchat stories, or even twitter. Avoidance goes beyond just face to face in this generation.
Organise something big
A girls weekend away, a friends surprise birthday party – ANYTHING. Preferably something really complicated and excessive that will take up all your time and attention so that you have no time to think about the guy.
Grab some friends, grab some strangers, hit the town and booze it up. Nobody is stopping you so get some shots inside you and stay up till 4am. It might help, it might not, but it will be fun.
Get on Pinterest and find all the inspirational single woman quotes you can so that you can feel less alone and cheer yourself up with the intellectual or random ramblings of women you somehow take comfort from.
Perhaps controversial but there’s nothing better than a good rebound to get you moved on from the guy who you just can’t get over. Just don’t make it someone you’ll actually want to talk to after, and make sure they know what their ‘function’ is to you.
Sexy selfies are crucial to your self esteem. There’s nothing quite as obvious as when a girl changes that gorgeous profile couple pic in Spain to a banging solo shot.
Spend money and time on you because you absolutely deserve it. Buy those MAC lipsticks, get the Urban Decay Naked palette, do what you want. You know what relationships are? Expensive and time consuming. Forget about love, dependance, attention and cuteness – not like any of that matters to you more than YSL.
Ann Summers is your new best friend. Not only for the selection of products you can use to replace the man in your life, but also because lingerie is a guaranteed way to make you feel hot. Show off that ass. It’ll make you feel and look amazing, and make sure you take many many photos of the Ann Summers bags for Snapchat.
Wine is amazing. A bottle in and you won’t remember who they are, let alone how they broke your heart into a million pieces.
Watch How to be Single, Pitch Perfect, any Marvel film. Just don’t watch the Notebook. Unless you want to become a pool of tears.
X – they are one for a reason
Don’t ever go back there. They rejected you for a reason, and now you have to reject them no matter what they do because of that. They’re not a cat, they don’t get nine lives. You screw up, you’re out.
Getting over a guy is finally up to you. You are the only one with the power to tell him to gtfo of your life and heart. Be a bitch about it.
Zap him out of your life
(WHAT THE HELL STARTS WITH Z)
Just get him gone and move the hell on with your life until your heart gets inevitably broken by another fuckboy.