An ode to Music Box, the best worst club in the UK

BOX BOX BOX


Shite Club

Nestled somewhere between Peterborough and Cambridge lies the inconspicuous town of St Ives.

A self-named “historic market town” probably isn’t the first place you’d think to put a club – but it surprisingly holds one of the best nights out in the world.

Loved by many, hated by even more – Music Box is one of the best worst nights out in Britain.

For anyone who grew up in one of the many towns and villages surrounding St Ives, Music Box is a ritual – an initiation into the world of clubbing. And having been open for over 20 years, Music Box has survived the test of time.

Music Box is a middle ground, a meeting place between the arguably rougher Peterborians and the Cambridge dwellers looking for a cheap night out. Hidden down a rather sinister looking alley, Music Box offers drinks cheaper than any Cambridge club, with a much lower chance of getting robbed than Peterborough.

You would have to splash out £180 on two bottles of Verve Clicquot champagne in Lola Lo’s in Cambridge – or pay £120 in Music Box for two bottles, an exclusive private VIP area, entry queue jump and free entry.

Of course, the £2 spirit and mixers is what you really head to Box for. You might wake up with the worst hangover ever after splashing out on those cheap drinks, but you’ll feel guilt free knowing you didn’t blow it all in an expensive city club.

You can’t help but love the shameless promotion of Z-list reality TV stars (Dan Osborne, Pete Wicks) who make appearances at the club in order to boost numbers. Let’s be honest – Music Box is just a little bit tacky, like the TOWIE guest stars they hire in.

Pub carpets? Check. Off-brand perry? Check. Striped suede sofas? More than you can count. If the clashing patterns, school-disco style DJ lighting and repetitive cheesy 2006 hits is making you feel queasy, spend some time in the always-crowded smoking area. If you didn’t find a drunken guy madly in love with you inside, you’re sure to find one trying to bum a cigarette off you in the smoking area.

For some, this might already sound like their personal idea of hell – but to truly appreciate Music Box, you have to be there. You have to submit to the idea that you’re not in some VIP, top class club – this place takes anyone and everyone.

Men in full suits dance on the same floor as college students, local chavs drink just across from the occasional middle-aged builder. Forget the student-only vibe you’re used to at uni – Music Box takes everyone, and it’s all the better for it.

The most glorious part of Music Box is simply having fun. You don’t need to make an effort – by all means dress up, but nobody is judging you for wearing jeans and trainers. Throw yourself around the infamous pole by the DJ booth, dance like there’s no tomorrow – Music Box is about a legendary night out, all topped off with a glorious kebab from Chicken Lickin.

Music Box is truly infamous. I asked a friend what her favourite thing about Box was and if I could name her: “God no. Why would I let anyone know I go out there?” Most sober attendees would say the same.

But after a few drinks with your mates, you’ll inevitably find yourself swinging around the stripper pole to some cringeworthy club hits – and you couldn’t think of a better place to do it.

Brought to you as part of our Shite Club series – if you’d like to represent your tragic hometown club, email [email protected]