I’m in my twenties and I have braces

Braces are a rite of passage for any teenager privileged enough to have them. They promise a future of picture-perfect teeth, but only if you’re willing to go through the ugly duckling phase of having them on for a few years.

By the time brace-faced teens get to uni,  they’re beautiful swans,  living it up and flashing gorgeous smiles at club photographers. That’s kind of not the case for the 1,500 of us who have adult braces.

I’ll have had my full train track braces on for the entirety of my university life by the time I graduate next July,  and still being in teen stage when almost everyone at university is out of it most definitely makes you see yourself  strangely.

Ultimately,  nobody from uni will ever see me without my braces.  Even though they’ll make my teeth better and the outcome’ll be stunning, it’s kind of hard to not be self-conscious of them. Whenever I ‘smile’ for pictures, I pull a grimace, and hope nobody notices. Body positivity and self love are taught and preached across media outlets everywhere, but there are still exceptions, and social stigmas surrounding being a real-life Ugly Betty.

As you can probably tell, having braces during the period when most of the UK’s student population’s teeth are beautiful is not great for confidence. On top of braces, I’m also having a pretty major jaw surgery which will change the appearance of my face, and will most likely happen when I’m at my physical prime of 21.

There’s a very visible barrier that stops you feeling comfortable in your own skin, and I know we’re all figuring it out and trying to work out ways to feel better about ourselves as young adults, but I definitely think facial appearance is something that at this point in time, is quite a point of confidence for a lot of young people.

Your skin is dewy and bright, you’re not wrinkly, and the effects of all the caffeine and alcohol and lack of sleep you’re getting hasn’t quite taken its toll on your body. I may be able to enjoy all of these benefits, but I’m not wholly able to let go when it comes to feeling really good about the first impression my smile makes on people.

In group photos I’m usually the one grimacing at the camera while everybody shows off their pearly whites

Feeling beautiful is a lot harder when doctors are constantly telling you what’s wrong with your face. I’ve spent hours  at hospitals while surgeons and orthodontists hold rulers up to my face and measure how off-centre my nose is, or how rotated my bottom jaw is, or how if they pull my top jaw forward just a little more, it’ll push the tip of my nose up and give me a way nicer profile. It’s a kind of body dysmorphia I never thought I’d experience, but here I am, taking profile selfies and scrutinising my asymmetry.

Low self-esteem through any means of body dysmorphia affects interpersonal relationships hugely. When people would tell me I was ugly growing up, it really didn’t feel good. And to have that reaffirmed by doctors who want to “fix” my face using braces did not help. When it comes to guys, sometimes it feels like all of the metal in my mouth is a huge turnoff for them, others it feels like I’m bringing it to their attentions because I’m worried about their expectations.

I hate that I think myself less desirable because I’m a little late to the braces party, but it’s so true. While I may feel that guys want me less than girls who are already done with this stage of their physical development, I know that most of the time it’s completely in my head, and really, they probably don’t care as much as I do.  It seems like something too stupid and insignificant to be insecure about but when not that many people around you can relate, it’s really hard not to be.

To be fair, the teeth did really need fixing

The path that my braces and future jaw surgery have taken me on has clearly not always been a positive one. I know ultimately it will help me, and hopefully my face will be amazing, but as a uni student, socialising seems very vested in physical appearance. Never in my life will I meet this many people or have a chance to make this many first impressions, and from what I’ve seen, students really judge on physical appearance.

It’d be amazing if that changed, but I know that’s wishful thinking. I wouldn’t want to place blame on anyone for making me feel like this, especially because I know braces and surgery are ultimately for my own good, and when I’m at my happiest, I don’t even notice they’re there. But of course, they’re all I pay attention to when I’m first meeting someone.

Accepting flaws and not letting them define you is really hard to do, and I’m definitely not there yet. Considering most university students don’t have to accept this particular flaw, it’s actually quite difficult to admit that it’s something that affects my self-esteem when practically every uni student has had braces at some point in their lives.

It’s okay to be embarrassed about something like braces , or for confidence to take a hit, but if braces have taught me anything, it’s that letting go of flaws, even for the shortest time, can make you feel strong and beautiful.