Love Island is the new Made In Chelsea

It’s like Geordie Shore but without the need for subtitles

Gone are the days when we could watch the suave Spencer Matthews wooing women up and down the King’s Road. We can no longer see Francis Boulle, E4’s hapless Hugh Grant, trying and failing with the best of the home counties. And with the plot lines becoming even more obviously scripted, is anyone even watching Made In Chelsea any more?

Never fear though, why not do what everyone else is doing and watch Love Island instead.

There are no boring scenic shots of London

The best part of Made in Chelsea has always been it’s friendship breaking drama and agonizing awkward pauses. When it comes to mindless, inane and addictive reality TV shows, this is exactly what we want, and now that MIC can no longer fill this void, it is the time for Love Island to take over. What more drama can you want than Miss GB being stripped of her crown for doing the dirty on national TV?

The contestants now consist of men who look like inflated Action Men with pecs so big they could fall over at any time and girls with bikinis which barely cover their dignity. Made In Chelsea may have felt like an insight into a class many wish to attain, however, Love Island feels like stalking your hot friend’s holiday facebook album, only this time you can’t accidentally like one of the photos.

Miss GB fucked it, literally

Love Island is a show literally created for attractive people to fuck each other and fuck each other over. Singletons ‘couple off’ based on looks alone, these couples are then forced to share a bed and if it wasn’t already obvious enough, condoms are nonchalantly strewn around the luxury Spanish villa.

In the perfect mixture of Made in Chelsea and Big Brother, contestants fear missing out on the £50,000 winning prize if they fail to form a couple, piling even more pressure on them, a level of desperation we can all sympathise with.

What on earth does he look like?

There are no boring plot lines exploring Jamie Laing’s sweets company, Sam Thompson being annoying or following Gabriella’s attempts to win the Guinness World Record for the largest mouth. Love Island is unapologetically everything we like about Made In Chelsea with all the boringness distilled.

The show is certainly morally dubious however, I definitely wouldn’t suggest watching an episode with your parents. Key themes include promoting unrealistic body images, favouring shallow and superficial relationships over genuinely meaningful ones and the ‘slut shaming’ of Miss GB.

As Made In Chelsea has fallen by the wayside, so will Love Island in time. We may be nearing peak voyeurism, but until then, these shows will hold our continued interest. We’re terrible people for enjoying this trash, but enjoy it we shall.