How to be your own girl crush

Sometimes I feel as if I have spent my entire life being preoccupied with and emulating other girls. We are currently living in a time when women are beginning to be celebrated as they should be and when they are beginning to demand the respect that they deserve and have been deprived of for centuries. It reminds me of the scene from Mary Poppins, when Mrs Banks, a suffragette, sings, “our daughters’ daughters’ will adore us and they’ll sing in grateful chorus, ‘well done, sister suffragettes’”. Mrs Banks was dead right, and to the real life suffragettes on whom she is based, well done indeed and thank you, ladies. However, now is not the time to rest on our laurels. We have come so far and yet there is so much yet to be accomplished. We have become excellent at recognizing beauty and accomplishment in other women and I think self-love is the next frontier.

My own girl crushes have been wide and far reaching. In some cases, I don’t even know the girl I am admiring. When I walk down the street, I am constantly on the lookout for girls whose style I admire. On public transport I have been known to peer across the aisle to see what books other girls are reading. When I was at school, I always looked up to certain older girls, some because of their unique style, some because of their talents, some because of their interests, whether in music or films or literature. Some girls have a certain quality that defies explanation, perhaps they just don’t seem to care what others think, perhaps they are immune or indifferent to the nonsense that pits girls against each other, perhaps they are just kind. I looked at these girls I admired, whether it was my own older sister, a girl I had just seen on the street or someone like Tavi Gevinson and I would often think how cool they were, and how dull I seemed in comparison.

I think I have finally reached some level of maturity at nineteen years old that lets me recognise that all these girls are just as scared and self-conscious as I am. I have learned that no matter how clever you are or how shiny your hair is or how well you can do your make-up or how truly excellent your taste in music is, you are not exempt from the voice in your head which tells you that you are ugly or uninteresting or untalented.

Honestly, it’s no wonder that we are harsh on ourselves. While we are surrounded by excellent examples of women who are confident and proud of themselves, tabloid media means that no matter what stage of life we are at, a schoolyard mentality is never far off. Young female celebrities are criticised for their behaviour and appearance constantly. If they avoid controversial topics, they are scorned as being stupid but if they attempt to make any social or political commentary they are told that they are unqualified to have an opinion.

Luckily, with the rise of social media, we no longer need to rely on celebrities as role models. Now we can be our own role models. Celebrity culture is so clearly limiting as it shows a poor cross section of society. Barriers of race, age, sex and, of course, appearance leave many feeling sorely underrepresented. However, social media is democratic, with the rise of body positivity movements on Instagram, we are exposed to more diverse images of people, which can challenge our perception of beauty. On Twitter, young people have the opportunity to raise awareness for injustice and dispute discrimination.

I don’t think that anyone in the world is truly happy with themselves but don’t underestimate your own abilities to be whatever you want to be. You may want to change your style. You may want to take a stand on issues that matter to you. You may want to take up a new skill. You may want to make a healthy change in your lifestyle. You can do it. You can be the kind of person that someone else passes in the street and thinks, “wow, that girl is really cool”.