This is what the Casa Amor Islanders do, according to their LinkedIns

After nearly a month of watching the Love Islander’s brushing their teeth, making questionable cups of tea, readjusting their bikini tops and swaggering about the villa, it was starting to feel like we really knew them. Their loves, hates and whether they’d cheat or not – but clearly we were wrong. Two days in and the Casa Amor newbies are already shaking things up. Heads that refused to be turned have done a full 360 – or in Tommy’s words a full 560.

So who are these newbies stirring up the drama? After confirming who all 12 are, doing deep dives into some of the cast and spending a leisurely amount of time hunting for topless photos of Ovie, it’s time to investigate what the Casa Amor Islanders do outside of the villa, according to their LinkedIns:

Lavena Black

After Yewande got dumped off the island, everyone had resigned themselves to watching one-dimensional pretty people talk about nothing for an hour every night. Thankfully Lavena swooped in to save us from weeks of inanity and proved that normal people can be on Love Island too:

Not just a pretty face, Lavena Black has an actual LinkedIn account with actual job info. Currently a Business Development Representative at Netsuite, Lavena has also worked at Enterprise Rent-A-Car as an Assistant Manager and a Customer Advisor at EE all after studying Law at Leeds Beckett in 2017. Law!!!

 

Nabila Badda

Nabila’s social media is so well managed she even has a coordinated cover and profile picture on LinkedIn.

After hopping from one assistant job to another, with a brief stint as Front of House for Harpal Clinic which specialises in helping people with chronic illnesses, Nabila has worked at Italian restaurant Bocca di Lupo for the five months before heading to Love Island. Plus, it’s not just her job that’s changed a lot, have you seen these before and after transformation photos???

Maria Wild

Apparently mid-way through a Business Management with Business Experience degree at Kingston University, Maria has taken a break from studying to turn some heads on Love Island:

In her about section, Maria states she’s looking for a work placement, but who knew that by “work placement” Maria actually meant being paid to lounge around in bikinis, flirt and fall in love? Tthere are certainly harder ways to pay off your student debt. Maria’s bio also states that she is “always willing to try new things and expand [her] experiences.” I’m sure kissing Curtis counts as a new experience.

Stevie Bradley

There’s not that there’s much to see on Stevie’s LinkedIn. With all his skill endorsements and the one recommendation coming from his dad, it’s clear Stevie hasn’t quite left home yet. Plus after some seriously dead chat with Lucie and an underwhelming kiss, calling Stevie “a great communicator” may be a step too far.

Marvin Brooks

A personal trainer and semi-professional footballer with nine endorsements for “sports”, it’s clear Marvin knows what he’s talking about:

More surprisingly, it turns out that Marvin was an Aircraft Engineer for the Royal Navy for five years! And that’s not the only surprise, Marvin lists being able to speak German to business standard too. Maybe Maura has a thing for German business-related dirty talk?

Dennon Lewis

To summarise Dennon’s LinkedIn profile: Blah, blah, blah, football, football, blah, football, blah.

Oh, did we forget to mention he plays football?

Dan Rose

Geez, even Dan’s LinkedIn profile pic is absolute fire. He’d get us to buy a bathroom no problemo:

With three real-life humans actually endorsing him for having good relationship management skills, surely he’d have perfected his perfect Casa Amor sales pitch by now. Do you think if he offered the girls a half-price sink they’d give him more of a chance?

Ovie Soko

Why would you even bother setting up a LinkedIn account if you were just going to leave it like this?

Although when you’re a 6ft7, professional basketball player who needs LinkedIn?

 

Jourdan Riane

Although like Belle Hassan, Joanna Chimonides and George Rains, Jourdan Riane doesn’t seem to have a LinkedIn account she does have the most post-2005-Tumblr-esque website ever:

This header photo literally screams 90s R&B album – there is so much Photoshop here it actually hurts to look at.

Here’s a summary of each section:

Fashion – There is only one post where Jourdan acts like she’s the first person to wear a little black dress and a pair of heels. The accompanying video also cuts off Jourdan’s head for the entire two minutes.

Blog – Jourdan’s last blog post titled, “Why Losing A Friend Can Be Worse Than Losing A Lover”, seems to be a prophesying Jourdan’s Love Island experience: “The reality is, some friendships only last for a certain season in our lives and when the season has come to an end, it may seem that you don’t have all that much in common with this friend anymore.”

The other blog posts are titled, “The Power Of The Tongue” (oi, oi – someone’s getting lucky in the villa), “Keep Your Friends Close and Your Enemies Far Away” (basically Jourdan’s game plan for Love Island) and “Who Are You When No One Is Around…” (where she basically describes Love Island – “toxic places, toxic people and toxic energies…”).

Events: Jourdan was in a film?!? Take that Anna and Amber.

Life – A page in which Jourdan posts videos like every other influencer everywhere, that literally do nothing other than make everyone experience the worst FOMO of their lives.

Career – Basically a page full of mismatched videos chronicling everything Jourdan has ever been in, the video form of her missing LinkedIn page.

Luckily, with three guys all vying for her attention, Love Island Jourdan seems to be much more interesting.

Related stories:

• These are the WILDEST transformations from the cast of Love Island 2019

• We found old pictures of Love Island’s Molly-Mae and she is UNRECOGNISABLE

• Even more photos of Maura pre-Love Island have surfaced and they are SHOCKING