Is it OK for girls to get with guys who have girlfriends?

The fine line between sexual liberation and girl code

It happens everywhere. You or someone you know has got with a guy who has a girlfriend, or some girl has gone and got with you or your mates boyfriend. If you’re on the receiving end of the bad news that he’s cheated, or if everyone finds out you’ve got with someone who’s taken and hates you, it’s one of the worst things that could happen EVER.

Girls who get with someone else’s boyfriend violate everything that girls code stands for – but should we blame them?

There’s a fine line.

There’s the girls who are simply selfish with no sense of girl code, who will get a thrill and sense of power from getting with someone else’s boyfriend – surely this is the fault of the girl? Ellie* says “Once I told a guy his girlfriend had cheated on him so he would get with me”.

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Some other girls may do it, knowing the boy is in a relationship but feeling no sense of obligation or sisterhood to the other girl simply because they don’t know them. While this sounds cold – we cannot entirely blame the girl here. Sarah* agreesĀ “I had sex with a guy who I knew had a girlfriend, I felt a bit bad but he came on to me”. It takes two to Tango.

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What about the girls who get with a guy without knowing they were in a relationship? They are oblivious so we shouldn’t blame them, even though we will probably hate them. Some would say they are actually the victim as well – the boyfriend is completely at fault and should attend bootcamp for fuckboys. Tiff* agreesĀ “My boyfriend once invited another girl to his house, she didn’t know we were together so I completely blamed him”.

While it probably seems that the blame is dependant on the situation – it is usually the other girl who gets the blame. It is so easy to attack the other girl, envision her as the slutty witch magically forcing your boyfriend away from you – but this really isn’t the case. While another girl may flirt with someone’s boyfriend – it is up to him as to whether or not he acts upon it.

Despite this, there should be more emphasis on sisterhood and girl code. Hannah* argues “It’s not OK, some girls say they don’t have any loyalty to the girlfriend as they aren’t friends so girl code doesn’t apply”. Girls need to look out for each other and have a sense of loyalty – regardless of whether they know the other girl.”

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I would want any girl throwing themselves at my boyfriend wether or not they know we were together. But If they knew we are together it would be a lot worse as I’m a firm believer in girl code. But ultimately it is his responsibility to say no – that is the point of being in an exclusive relationship.

 

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