Can we all just agree to stop faking orgasms?

We’ve all been there, you’re having sex with someone who doesn’t really know what they’re doing, and you’re getting bored. He’s a trier, and really wants you to finish before he does. It’s a lovely sentiment but you know he’s not gonna manage, so you just make some noises and hope that he moves on. After he asks the hopeful question, “did you come yet?” you respond with a quick “yeah sure” and hope that he’ll unload and roll off you as soon as possible.

But next time, can you consider that this poor bloke now thinks that he’s given you the time of his life. He’s gonna go back to his friends, tell them about this move he’s developed that made you scream (he will inevitably exaggerate this to impress his friends, thereby exacerbating the knock on effect) and his friends will now adopt this technique and think that it will make all girls cum.

All of these guys — I must add that this is applicable to girls as well, there is just generally much less of a culture of discussing sexual prowess among female groups of friends as there is among our male compatriots — think they are learning loads of new skills, and the original perpetrator thinks he’s a sex god, and all because you faked it and made him think what he did worked. In doing this, you will never allow them to learn what feels good. Knowing how to give someone an orgasm is not necessarily an instinctive thing, we all have to work together and communicate in order to teach each other to make everybody universally better at sex.

In our supposedly sexually liberated generation, we should be able to communicate openly with a sexual partner, even if they are a one night stand. If you’re not enjoying what he’s doing, tell him. Many of my male friends have told me that it’s a real turn on when a girls says what she wants a guy to do. It may seem like a scary thing to do, but once you get over the first verbal hurdle, it breaks a lot of tension and you and your partner will be more comfortable talking to each other during sex. You can then communicate how they can make it better for you. This will make it better for him, his future partners and the partners of his friends.

Another key to this problem is that you might not want him to make you cum. This may sound odd, but a friend has told me that only she is able to give herself an orgasm, no one else has ever been able to do it for her. So she has to tell a guy not to bother messing around and failing for a while and that it would be better for her to do it herself. This can also be a huge turn on for a guy, so if you feel like you could do a better job, he’ll love it and you’ll both have a wonderful time.

For those of you who have experienced an orgasm, you will know that it isn’t just making a quick noise to let your partner know it’s happened. It is an intense physical reaction which is unmistakeable, so if we allow people to continue faking it, boys will think that it is just a sound, and we will continue to have to suffer through that awful question, “did you come yet?”