Stop hating on the Essex accent – it’s the sexiest in the UK
Don’t be jel, be reem
The Essex accent gets a bad rep. That’s not its fault though – the sound of Joey Essex failing to read a clock successfully would sound terrible in any accent.
But while the people of Essex may be a constant disappointment, there can be no denying the accent itself has a charm and wit more celebrated dialects would kill for.
An Essex accent is confident and cheeky: confident enough to approach you in the club on a night out, cheeky enough to deliver a cheesy one-liner once it’s got you in its sights. It’s every slightly naughty schoolboy you dreamed about as a teenager, every cool guy in the year above you wanted to go smoke cigarettes with.
Even at its most basic – the “’ave it”, VK-swilling, shrieking in the street on a hen do moments – an Essex accent tells you that no matter what happens, life isn’t going to be dull around them.
Other accents attempt to seduce you by washing over you and making you sleepier than an armchair by a hot fire, but the Essex accent is far more direct. It’s sharp and ever-so-slightly aggressive, demanding your attention and refusing to give any back.
What, you don’t like how it’s so withholding? Then why are you still here? Admit it: as much as you claim you want a nice, inoffensive northern accent, you’ll always be drawn to the lovable rogues. The Essex accent leaves you on edge and you can’t get enough.
It’s James Dean on a motorcycle. A femme fatale in a red dress. The one you try to leave but never can because you know that although you’ll grow out of it eventually, this is your one chance to play the rebel and piss off your parents.
The Essex accent is a ride, and you’ll never want to get off.
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