Southerners will never understand the joy of a parmo, the best export of the north

So what if it’s 2,600+ calories?

Being a northerner in the south is problematic for many reasons – especially when someone from the south asks you what your favourite food is. If Waitrose doesn’t stock it, it means the southerner will definitely have no clue what it is. And Waitrose definitely doesn’t stock this one.

But if you’re from the north and your favourite food isn’t a parmo, then you don’t deserve to be called a northerner – end of.

Invariably, though, people from the South have literally never heard of a parmo, and have no idea what it is. A northerner will get puzzled looks if they start banging on about them. It’s quite embarrassing.

“A parmo?! Never heard of it! Do you mean parma? Like the ham?”

No, strangely enough, my favourite food is NOT ham. It’s called a parm-O, not parm-A.

So what is it? Well… it’s tender, succulent fried chicken wrapped in crisp breadcrumbs, layered with oozing, creamy béchamel sauce and topped with a thick, heavenly covering of melted cheese – is your mouth watering yet? It’s served up with chips and salad most of the time.

A parmo is definitely not just any old food: it’s a work of culinary art sent by the food Gods to deliver the most amazing mouthgasm you’ll ever experience in your life. And it is therefore another point to add to the incredibly long list about why the north is better than the south – our food is better. The Southerners are definitely missing out.

parmo 1

So what if it has 2,600+ calories?

So, technically that means it is 600 calories over the daily recommended calorie average set by the NHS for women, and 100 over the amount suggested for men. It means it is basically a heart attack on a plate. But who cares if it looks and tastes as good as it does?

Parmo is love, parmo is life.

“Where’s the best place to get one of these incredible parmos?” Firstly, never get a parmo from a takeaway shop: you’re asking to be disappointed. If you’re soaking those 2,600 calories in chip shop fat and grease, you’ll definitely drop dead in no time, mark my words. The best places to find these little beauties are in the pubs deep and hidden away in the countryside around North Yorkshire and Teesside. There’ll be parmo options in pubs in Welbury, Hutton Rudby, Thirsk, and thousands around Middlesbrough.

Parmo 2

The parmo originally comes from Middlesbrough, and in this area they are unbeatable.

The best parmo, or at least the best I’ve ever had, has to be in The Wheatsheaf Pub in Hutton Rudby, right in the centre of North Yorkshire. It’s probably one of the smallest villages you could come across, but their parmos are to die for – no pun intended.

So, there you have it! A parmo is north Yorkshire’s secret triumph and the main reason the south will never, ever compete with the north.