Slang you’ll only understand if you’re from Lancashire

If you’re from the South, you might not have heard of us.

You’ve heard of Yorkshire – we’re basically the northwest equivalent, with more fields and sheep – but ours are better. Don’t forget, we won the War of the Roses against Yorkshire. And forget Yorkshire tea, we have Lancashire cheese.

Our accents are similar, but with significant differences. They say o’reet, we say o’reyt. Significant, you see.

So if you’re from Lancashire, you often feel like the Northern underdog. But your accent experiences matter too. You only realised you even had an accent when you left home and no-one could understand what you were saying until you toned it down a bit.

When you went back home, your family and home friends were like “flippin’ heck what’s ‘appened to your accent?” So don’t lose your roots – always remember these classic Lancashire traits.

“Do you want out or nowt?”

Some may think you’re asking them to go outside, but no, you’re off to the shop and simply asking if they would like anything fetchin’. What’s so hard to understand about that?

“Ey up cocker”

No we aren’t being rude. I’m asking how you are, love?

“I’m off to catch the buzz”

I promise I’m not a bee fanatic, I’m just going into town, via what you would call a “bus.”

“Pie buttie or chips ‘n’ gravy?”

If you’re going to a takeaway after a night out, this is the only acceptable food to order if you want to remain a true Lancashire lass/lad.

“Tea cake”

This is by no means a cake, some may know it as a “barm cake” or “bread roll” but its true name is a tea cake. Pronounced “tay-cake” for extra Lancashire effect.

“Clitheroe” and “Ramsbottom”

These are places, and to a normal Lancashire inhabitant, the names are not in the least amusing.

“Oinin'”

This is usually used to describe that random uncle who always turns out at your house unnannounced with the newest Harry Potter book or a question about how to work a computer. It basically means irritating or annoying.

“By gum”

This isn’t a demand to buy us some chewing gum, but something you’d say in a state of shock.

“It’s cracking flags”

Don’t worry, there hasn’t been an earthquake, this is just our way of telling you it’s sunny outside.

“There are so many lugs in my hair”

It’s not an insect infestation or lice – my hair has knots in and I need to brush it.

“Mek yoursel’ a brew love”

As threatening as it sounds, this is the best phrase you can possibly hear in Lancashire. You’re automatically well acquainted as soon as you’re offered a cuppa in Lancashire. Tea is the way to win a Lancashire heart.

“Lets go for a tramp about”

Not a homeless person. This is one of the main things to do in Lancashire: go for a walk.

“Ginnel”

Not really sure how this one came about, but it’s basically an alley or any fenced-off walk way.

“Cow’d”

This has nothing to do with cows. Although there are plenty of those in Lancashire. This means we’re cold.

“Owd”

Same principle as cow’d, you’d use this to describe your owd gran.

“Assthagorttegivus?”

If you can’t understand this question then you need to work on your Lancashire.

Alreyt, I’ll stop harpin’ on about Lancashire now.