I can’t help but be attracted to guys in suits
They make white shirts the sexiest thing in the world
Guys in suits are fit. Don’t deny it. They look suave, sophisticated and always somehow reminiscent of James Bond.
Whether it’s the groomsman in the three-piece, or the rugby boy in the tailored tweed number, the power of the suit is enough to make knees buckle and ovaries explode up and down the country. But why?
They have their shit together
These guys don’t still drink Sainsbury’s Basics whisky out of a mug and wait until late November to turn the heating on, nor do they sit in their pants watching Jezza Kyle until 2pm every day.
They’ve evolved from a student into a man with a proper job, with a salary and health benefits and shit.
They never get it wrong
Only an idiot could fuck up something so basic. It’s pretty impossible to get a suit wrong, unless they do something awful like pair it with tennis socks and the manky school shoes they can’t be bothered to replace.
If they’re wearing a suit well, we can rest assured they rarely fuck up anything in life.
They’re probably intellectual
They’re bound to be more intelligent than you, and will seduce you through being just so damn insightful. You don’t understand a word of what they’re saying, but you can fake it.
They’ll take you back to the flat they rent alone, and tell you about the semester they spent in Florence over a glass of the wine they bought because they like the taste, rather than the alcohol percentage.
They know they’re hot
Nothing is sexier than confidence, and when they stride into the room with their jacket slung over one shoulder and wearing a slightly arrogant smirk, it drives us crazy.
These guys know the power their suits have, and take every opportunity to step out in one. Suits can make anyone look sexy – a tailored tux can turn even the most desperate 2 into a solid 10.
It’s mainly because we’re focusing more on their massively broadened shoulders than their actual face, but still. They look fit, and they know it.
They emanate that suave Chuck Bass vibe
These guys could fall over somebody’s dress, nearly knock the waiter’s tray over and just walk it off with a grin. They’re unbelievably smooth, and I strongly believe this comes from the suit itself.
They took notes from Chuck Bass, the master of suits and pulling and learnt that a two piece is the way to a girl’s heart. Whether it’s to woo the love of your life or to take home the girl you’re grinding on in Oceana, tailoring is the key to success.
If it’s good enough for Blair Waldorf, it’s good enough for me.
They can look sexy and dishevelled as well as smooth and smart
These guys can work the stubble, bed hair and an undone bowtie, or go for that Alex Turner quiff and they will always look fit – either way, we’ll fucking love it.
They’ve mastered the smoulder and the that irritatingly sexy gaze, and they’ll probably light up a post-coital straight and tell you why they think post modernism is a myth.
They make white shirts and braces suddenly the sexiest things in the world
This is genuine magic. There’s just something about the opened collar that is perversely a major school throwback, while still being somehow undeniably sexy. Roll up those shirt sleeves, flash that cheeky smile and take me to your penthouse.
They’re always up for a laugh
These guys act like they’re classy as fuck, but underneath the suit you know they’re always up for a giggle and a bender. Some of your roughest, weirdest nights will be with the boys in the suits.
They’ll be smooth with your parents and take you out to fancy restaurants, but an hour later you’ll be shagging in the loos like the horny 20-somethings you are.
Their general dress sense is on fleek
Whose mum still buys their clothes? Not these guys. Their wardrobes are piled full of the uniform Adidas sweatshirts and skinny jeans, but with a couple of Peruvian gap year ponchos thrown in there too.
They probably have that slightly posh Southern accent
Imagine if the fit guy in the suit and the ruffled hair opened his mouth and John Terry’s voice came out – not cool. Their voice is low, gravelly, and you find yourself melting at every word.
I wouldn’t be surprised if that voice was just a side effect of the suit itself.