Is there a single ‘essential Waitrose’ item that’s actually essential?
Ermmmm, not really
OK, so imagine there’s an apocalypse: Putin drops a couple of megatons on London or a zombie horde rampages through your hometown or everyone’s Netflix stops working at the same time. Hysterical panic presages societal collapse. Everything is fucked and you need to get somewhere safe fast.
But before you do, you need some supplies, some essentials – the basics you’ll need to survive this crisis. You run into the nearest store – a Waitrose – and find yourself confronted by these:
Oh, and these:
Question: is there a single item in the Waitrose Essential range that’s actually essential?
Answer: no, nothing in the Waitrose Essential range is essential, and that’s almost certainly the point of the Waitrose Essential range. It’s one enormous, massive fuck off to everyone who shops at Tesco.
Maybe the question we should be asking is: who is this stuff essential for? And I think I know the answer to this one, I really do. The answer is rich people.
It’s not even worth taking the piss out of is it? These are great ingredients and they’re reasonably priced. Essential though?