A pretender’s guide to where to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day in London

This Thursday is St. Patrick’s Day, which is a neat excuse to get drunk in honour of another patron saint about whose origins and history you are blithely unaware.

But who needs to know about history when you want to go on the smash. We’ve compiled a list of all the best things to do in London this St. Patrick’s Day, spilling over into the weekend like a warm Guinness on a bar.

North

Irish and Proud Pub Crawl

Starts at Lock 17 – Camden Lock Place #11, London, NW1

Thursday, 10pm

This pub crawl steers through three of Camden’s bars and finishes at Proud Galleries. It’s alright, because you’ll be too drunk to notice that by that point. It offers a free Guinness at the first bar as well as happy hour drinks, free T-shirts and shots. You will be led by leprechauns.

More info and tickets here.

Club De Fromage – St Patrick’ Day Shindig

At the O2 Academy, Islington, N1 Centre, 16 Parkfield St, N1

Saturday, 10.30pm

Club de Fromage – a cheesy disco – thrives on the kitsch opportunities presented by St Paddy’s Day. The club promises to celebrate everything Irish (ambitious): from the colour green to stout. It held a Riverdance competition last year: perhaps with a few pints of Guinness down you, you might become the next Michael Flateley.

More info here.

East

To be shore, to be Shoreditch Pub Crawl

Starts at Translate Café Bar, 12-14 Kingsland Road, London E2 

Thursday at 7:30pm

Tickets for this pub crawl include free entry to all venues in the price of the ticket. You’ll get a Guinness in one of the venues and and an indeterminate number free shots.

More info and tickets here.

The Shoreditch Paddy’s Day Pub Crawl

Starts at Blueberry Bat and Kitchen, 2-4 Paul Street, Shoreditch, London EC2A

Thursday at 7.30pm

This tour navigates through Shoreditch bars, including Canvas Bar, Road Trop, Trapeze, Blueberry, Floripa and Club Aquarium. There’ll be beer pong with a pitcher of Guinness and you’ll be entered into a prize draw to win a free trip to Ireland.

More info and tickets here.

West

St Patrick’s Day House Party

Notting Hill Arts Club, 21, Notting Hill Gate Notting Hill, W11

Thursday, 9pm

This one’s all about the giveaways: £50 for the best outfit (try harder than “leprechaun”), and anyone born in Ireland gets a free shot. Tickets are only £3 – leaving plenty over for booze. As the organisers point out, the best way to celebrate St Patrick’s day is to get pissed.

More info and tickets here.

Comedy Carnival’s St. Patrick’s Day Show

Bar Rumba, 36 Shaftesbury Avenue, W1D 

Thursday, 8pm

Don’t get drunk: laugh. Or do both. The show features three Irish comedians: Rory O’Hanlon, Eleanor Tiernan, and Christian Talbot. Tickets are £14 but do include the afterparty which goes on until 3am.

More info and tickets here.

What’s the craic?

Strawberry Moons, 15 Heddon St, W1B

The £10 wristband includes two free drinks a well as VIP entry before 10pm (whatever VIP means in this context. Irish?). Attendees are encouraged to wear green. There are Irish-themed cocktails, as well as Guinness, obviously.

More info and tickets here.

South

Brixton’s St Patrick’s Day Shindig

Pop Brixton, 49 Brixton Station Road, SW9 

Friday, 7pm

There’ll be live music across different stages and Irish dancing. They are also making Guinness punch, which sounds repulsive, but there you go.

More info and tickets here.

Midnight Apothecary St Patricks and Spring Equinox Special

Brunel Museum Rooftop GardenRailway Ave, London SE16 4LF

Saturday, 7:30pm

This is perhaps the most classy way of celebrating St. Patrick’s Day. Yes there’s alcohol, but it’s served in the form of “botanical cocktails”. There is a free toasted marshmallow included in the price of your ticket (sweet), a warming firepit and smooth Irish jazz.

More info and tickets here.

Hawaiian Bop 40s to 60s sessions: St Patrick’s Day Special

133 Rye Ln, Peckham, SE15

Thursday, 9pm

Not discernibly Irish-themed, though you might prefer it that way. It’s a retro music session, playing a soundtrack sourced from the 40s to the 60s. There’ll be a live R’n’B band from 11pm.

More info here.