What do you count as your anniversary?

In one episode of How I Met Your Mother, Lily says “They kissed, they’re finally a couple”. This struck me as odd. Is that how it works? Does the first kiss really concrete two people are a couple?

I’d argue there are four benchmarks you could pick: first kiss, first date, first sex or when it becomes “Facebook official”. Some people are apparently still doing that.

First kiss

This is no doubt a big moment; I can only assume anyway, I have never kissed anyone before. For some of you this may be a drunken moment on a night out – and do you really want that to be the moment from which you consider yourself in a relationship? If this really is the case then I know people who have had multiple relationships that began only minutes from each other. Maybe first sober kiss would be more appropriate but it still feels a little…premature.

First sex

This at least feels more adult and less secondary school. However, what about those relationships where you don’t jump into bed straight away (I know what’s that about?!). Some people are even NSBM: which is not a form of BDSM, but means No Sex Before Marriage. Does that mean that they might be together for years and get married but won’t actually be a couple because they haven’t “done it”? Plus unless the sex was out of this world, which I doubt it was as it’s the first time (even with someone you really like) and you might have been steaming, do you really want to think back to that moment year upon year?

First Date

This in itself is problematic: what exactly constitutes a “date”? Some people think its when the man pays for the meal, but what is this misogynistic shit? I believe in equal rights – go Dutch and split that bill, folks. Sometimes, however, you go for lunch with a girl and you think it’s a date – and they think its just lunch with a friend. Is it a date if you don’t explicitly say it is a date? I once took my girlfriend to Morrisons in my blue transit van – I considered that a date but she and everyone else laughed at the idea.

That being said and done, I would still go with the first date as a solid start of the relationship. A kiss is too childish and sex is too crass, and date shows that you actually like them a lot, and are willing to put up with, I mean spend time with.

Facebook Official

This obviously only came to being with the birth of Zuckerberg’s baby. It’s controversial – some people think it’s pretty teenage. And my old head chef said to me; “Never put your relationship status on Facebook: if it says you’re single when you get a girl she will want you to put ‘in a relationship’ and then it makes it so much harder to cheat on them”. Wise words, I suppose, if you’re that way inclined. Arguably, a Facebook status does not validate your relationship – your friends know if you are in a relationship anyway, so what does it matter if all the others you’ve only met once really thinks? They probably don’t even care.

I asked my brother his thoughts on the matter and he replied “FB relationship? Nah, never mate, its not about that life”. Whatever the hell that means.