Things you know if your parents were teachers

Living with a parent who’s a teacher is interesting – except when they start talking about their subject. Or the education minister. And you dived out sharpish when they asked to proofread your coursework.

These are some of the other things the kids of teachers will recognise.

Helping out with the school fete 

You were always dragged along to help with the fete. You’d be told to be on your best behaviour by your parent in their ‘teacher’ voice – after all, they can’t have you embarrassing them in front of their colleagues, pupils or the pupils’ parents.

But there were pluses: such as the adult tombola, which invited you to spend a meagre £1 in order to be in with a chance of winning all kinds of different alcohol. You never won the whisky on the back shelf.

Marking homework  

Occasionally, you had to lend a hand on the monotonous task of marking children’s work. You swear some of those kids were writing in hieroglyphics because you could not decipher a word of what they had written. At some point, some other teacher’s offspring was thinking this about your work.

Paper. Paper everywhere

Books, textbooks, folders, files… all amassed together in teetering piles. This would have been great if you were training for Total Wipeout; at least it prepared you for university.

Having to go in during the holidays

By far the worst thing was when you had broken up from school – and Mum or Dad hadn’t, so you had to spend the entire day with them at their school, while they taught. There are a few major reasons why this sucked. Firstly, you were missing out on important holiday time; secondly, you had to make awkward conversation with other members of staff about your GCSE choices. Thirdly, you had to refer to your parent as Ms, Mrs or Mr ‘Insert name here’. Oh – and you were surrounded by young children, whose nose-picking and suchlike always made you ill, so you didn’t enjoy the second week of the holidays either.

The end-of-term gifts

On the other hand, you anticipated those end of term gifts with relish. Oh so much chocolate and wine. Worried that Christmas dinner would pack on the pounds? How about a couple dozen boxes of Cadbury’s chocolate? If you’re not a fan of chocolate, how about those bottles of wine that you know your parents won’t get through?

Hearing about the weird kids

Being the child of a teacher makes you worried. Chiefly, about the generation below yours, when you hear about the weird shit they get up to. Like that kid who eats sand in science – and when asked to stop, he says, “what are you going to do about it?”.

Ofsted. Just Ofsted 

You remember this. Watching the panic and and the stress the week before Ofsted are due in. Sometimes that stress manifested in you being told off, like you are a wayward pupil.

The teacher voice

Speaking of being told off like a pupil, you still get told off in that teacher voice. You shuddered when you heard that firm, stern tone like you’d been monkeying about in the back row.

The inevitable moaning about the Education Minister

Every teacher hates the education minister. Doesn’t matter who it is – every education minister will do something that upsets teachers. You used just sit there nodding whilst your parent teacher would stand there giving a lecture on how the education minister sucks.

Actually being able spend time with your parents over the holidays

Though perhaps the best thing was being able to spend time with them over the holidays – because they get those infamous endless summers. You’d get to go away and see them for longer than that week-long break to which ever Mediterranean island you are visiting this year.

Maybe you’ll become a teacher too?