Oscar winners aren’t allowed to say ‘thank you’ in their speeches any more

What is Leo going to say instead?

The Academy Awards have ruled on what this year’s Oscar winners can and can’t say.

Specifically, they can’t thank people in their speeches – which is typically the refrain of the winner. Instead there will be a screen behind them, broadcasting their “thank yous”. Each nominee must send a hypothetical list of people they’d thank before before the ceremony; talk about getting their hopes up.

The Academy has also ruled that speeches can’t last more than 45 seconds, to ensure the show runs on time. Take a second to remember the strangled, gushy greats that ran on too long: Halle Berry for Monster’s Ball in 2002 (around the four-minute mark), Matthew MConaughey for Dallas Buyers Club in 2014 (a record 549 words, and well over four minutes) and Gwyneth’s weepy one for Shakespeare in Love in 1999 (also over four minutes. It’s a long time to listen to an overwrought monologue).

Producers say the advanced warning is also intended to ensure Oscar winners don’t miss out the important people. “We don’t want to embarrass anybody,” show producer David Hill told the Today show, “but there is a long list of winners who have totally forgotten their directors, their husbands, their wives, their children and their animals. It’s a permanent record which could be kept, even framed and kept in the family forever.”

So what’s Leo going to say if (when) he gets his first Oscar for The Revenant. A simple “I deserve this” would probably do.