You now live in a world where business pyjamas exist

It’s Monday and you’re thinking please show me something interesting Will, please brighten up my day, please give me a reason to keep struggling against the tide, please find something on the internet that’s so weird and funny and unusual that it will add deeper meaning to my ever more pointless and circular existence.

Well I tried. I googled the words “happy” and “sloth” but I couldn’t find anything you haven’t seen before. But I’ve got something else for you. I’ve got Bammies. Hold on a second, what the fuck are Bammies? These are Bammies:

Bammies are when business and pyjamas (“business jammies”) fuse together to make something much much worse than what they represent alone. Like McFly and Busted becoming McBusted, or when the Syrian al-Nusra Front and al-Qaeda in Iraq turned into ISIS. It’s a synthesis that leaves us all worse off, fearing for our lives, questioning how things have managed to get more fucked up than they already are.

And because I’m a professional, I’ve done my research on Bammies. I’ve gone on their Instagram. I’ve read an interview with Bammie designers Julia Ford-Carther and Rosaria Chozas, whose future plans include “world domination”. I’ve done pretty much everything short of actually buying my own Bammies and rolling into to the office with my usual bed head and my usual slight headache and my unusual new Bammies.

One thing you’ll have noticed about Bammies, if you’ve managed to get over the initial stupor you sank into, induced by the sheer cringiness of the word Bammies: they don’t even look like pyjamas, like not even a little bit, I mean, they’ve got trouser-like trousers and dress-like dresses and a top that looks a lot like a top… 

So they’re pieces of clothing that you could wear to bed but don’t really look any different from normal clothes. Why then have you spent two minutes reading this? Why have I spent 15 writing it? Why aren’t you getting on with the shit you need to do today? Why don’t I get a proper job? Because actually, there’s an important point to be made here, a point that the Bammies people don’t understand. It’s the reason why I can sit here, ten minutes of Bammie research under my belt and confidently predict that, like the boiled egg squarer and radio newspaper, Bammies will never take off.

One of the last rituals we all share is changing out of our work clothes into the comfortable, lounging around the house, I’m going to be utterly complacent now slob suit we wear shame-free at home, where the outside world cannot see us, where the people we work with have no idea how gross we actually are. That change is one of the most refreshing parts of the day. Bammies, however chic they might look, completely ignore that truth.