The Lad Bible have defined what a ‘Lad’ really is

And it’s basically every single person in the entire world

| UPDATED

Robustly unintellectual, devoted to Carling, still experiencing spine thrills of delight at the memory of seeing Kasabian at V Fest last August: the “lad” has never been difficult to caricature. The Lad bible is challenging that

And this is what united polite society, NUS dry lunches and urban tastemakers in despising him and his kind. The “lad” never hid the fact he consumed the wrong culture in the wrong way. He was vulgar and he was loud.

It’s why everything associated with him was painted as moronic at the very least and dangerously contributing to a culture of sexism and rape at the very worst.

Look at this bloody lad

But now everything you used to associate with the lad is being shifted, rearranged, usurped. The lad is changing or, perhaps more accurately, there’s a conscious effort from the people who run the Lad Bible to change him.

Speaking to media magazine Brad, Mimi Turner, Lad Bible’s Marketing Director defined the lad of 2015:

  • Someone who supports a mate in illness, relationship, work, sexuality or anything else.
  • Someone who would give up their seat for someone elderly.
  • Someone who can have a laugh at themselves and take a joke at their own expense.
  • Someone who enjoys sport, watched the football at the weekend and who’ll cry with you in the pub when your team gets beat on penalties.
  • Someone who does something respect-worthy, whether that is funny, crazy or inspirational.

This is hard to read without laughing. What the Lad Bible have come up with here is a broad, generic, flavourless definition that could be any guy in the UK. It is a palpably un-laddish portrait of manhood.

But definitions are supposed to make things clearer. The Lad Bible’s vision is so catch-all that it includes any bloke between 18-34 who’s had a hot meal, who showers, who breathes oxygen, who is familiar with the sky being blue.

Every lad enjoys lager am I right?

If you want to find out who the real lads (the people out there who comment, like and share Lad Bible articles) you’d be better off reading this YouGov profile of the British Lad.

He’s exactly what you’d expect. He’s as familiar as a pint of milk:

The quintessential lad is a young, northern man at the lower end of the income scale. Sports are his defining interest; he prefers dogs by far; and his food tastes are as manly as they come: chips, burgers, bacon sandwiches and fried chicken are the most strongly correlated with British lads.

He drinks Stella, wear Nike, shops at Sports Direct. He fancies Cheryl Cole and his favourite Facebook page is (gasp of surprise) the Lad Bible.

Who exactly are the Lad Bible trying to fool here? It’s like Buzzfeed pretending their audience aren’t twee, irritating, insecure Bake-Off fans or Vice isn’t read by people who took Zeitgeist too seriously.