These are the maddest clubbers in the UK this week
You’ve made me and your mother very proud
The TabStunners of the week
Lol that girl on the right brought a kettle to a club
Bromance of the week
Let’s go home and wax each others’ chests
Most dramatic realisation
Bruce Willis was dead the whole time?
Best denim vests
To be honest there weren’t many to choose from
Most trustworthy champagne salesman
The dark-skinned Pinot noir and Pinot Meunier give the wine its length and backbone
Most curious clubber
Hey what you guys doing in there
DJ most resentful of reindeer
Coming over here, stealing our carrots
Guiltiest mainstream guy being caught with a Red Stripe
It’s Fosters I swear
Hero of the week
You like the blue flavour yeah
Hungriest clubber
When the full moon is out, she feasts
Least helpful directions
Your nearest exits are…
Longest arms
Must be a nightmare buying coats
Most arms
Kill it with fire
Festive clubbers
Bet they’ve finished their advent calendars already
Most protective boyfriend
Please never leave me
Severest allergy to women
Anyone got an antihistamine?
Best party trick
I can’t see the haters through my pound coins
Neckbeards of the week
Don’t pretend you’re doing it for charity
Most patient parent and/or guardian
I do wish Sophia would stop flirting with that boy
Pauly D lookalike
Why isn’t he DJing?
Roadmen of the week
Tell my man shut up
Most convincing invisible cello
And now, Haydn’s Concerto No. 5 in C-Major